Out of the blue

Now that it's a little cooler here (60 degrees today), the leaves are finally starting to change. I'm so glad we will get to see a little color change. I love seeing the leaves on the ground. I love everything about this time of year. I just wish it didn't go by so quickly.

I joined a new book club at the suggestion of one of my grad school classmates. I think it's going to be a good group, and we are reading some interesting books...not the typical Oprah book club sort of books. Yes, I am a book snob. Well, that's not completely true. I love books. I am a very fast reader, though, so I can't be overly picky about what I read, and I will read almost anything. However, I draw the line at Oprah's books. She just annoys me. I can't deny she has helped literacy with her book club, though, so I suppose she's not 100% bad. Anyway, I had a good time, but somehow, the topic of childbirth came up. It's interesting because only two members of the group had children, so it wasn't a topic I expected to come up. At first, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. At book club! Supposed to be a safe haven! I got through it, though I obviously had nothing to contribute to the conversation. Yesterday the classmate emailed me to make sure I was ok because I've told her about our situation. I was so touched that at her sensitivity and at the same time amazed that someone who is almost a stranger can show more sensitivity than the majority of my friends and family. I guess it is true when they say you can find support where you least expect it.

I received a bit of a shock from one of my friends yesterday. She wanted my blessing to date a guy with whom I have some history. The three of us were very close friends in high school, and while he and I didn't date, we have...history. It sort of didn't end well. The two of them have remained friends, and they recently decided to try dating, and she wanted to make sure it was ok with me. I was floored. I never, ever expected the two of them would get together. It doesn't really bother me, but it is weird. I believe that he has always wanted to be with her, which sort of disconcerts me because I wonder if he ever cared for me at all. And suddenly I'm back in high school, feeling second best to everyone and in everything. It's odd how things work because I had already realized that our infertility reminded me of how I felt in high school: left out, not fitting in, weird, hoping and waiting to be in a place where I belonged. And now my friend is dating a guy who was a big part of my high school years. Wow. Life is strange.