Coming Down

Happy Friday the 13th! I love it. No triskaidekaphobia or Paraskevidekatriaphobia here! I am so glad this week is almost over. Husband has been involved in a huge project that has reached its peak this week, and thankfully it ends on Sunday. I'm training a student intern, and I really just want to be left alone this week.

Coming down. Husband and I talked about it and decided that I should wean myself off my antidepressant before we cycle. I wasn't thrilled with that idea b/c I'm not sure now is the best time to do it (stress, anxiety, etc.), but at the same time, I don't want to have anything in my system that might impact egg development. I know that the likelihood of that happening is low, but if my egg production is crappy or we have crappy embryo development, I'll always wonder (but nobody is taking away my wine). So last week I started my decreased dosage, and boy do I feel emotional. It's like pretty bad case of PMS. I also feel a little blue. It amazes me to think that changing my dosage could affect me so dramatically already, so I wonder if I'm just stressed overall. I'm sure I'll adjust soon, but I'm trying to be aware of my moods and manage them before they get out of hand.

My book club read Jeffrey Eugenides' novel Middlesex for our June meeting. I had read it before, but I really enjoyed it the second time around. It's yet another one of those before and after books. I read it 5 years ago before I know about our problems, and reading it now was interesting. I promise that I don't go around finding IF relevance in everything I read. It is just a coincidence that it happened with back-to-back books.

Anyway, the main character of the novel is a hermaphrodite or intersexed individual. She appeared to be a girl at birth, so she was raised as a girl, but she is genetically male. Her condition is an accident of fate and genetics. The novel has a lot to say in terms of gender roles and what makes a woman a woman and a man a man. Callie doesn't discover her true gender until she is 14, and until she does, she feels out of place because she isn't developing like other girls.

That's a very quick and dirty summary, but the bottom line is that I identified with Callie and her struggle. Having a uterine anomaly, I understand feeling like you've lost the genetic crapshoot. Feeling like your life would be SO different if only you'd developed normally. And thanks to my uterus, I often feel like less of a woman. I'm not whole. I'm not saying I feel like a man, but I don't feel like a woman or like much of a woman. I'm sure that feeling is one that many of us have felt as we have struggled with IF. Ehhh, not very profound (I haven't finished my coffee yet), but I certainly didn't expect to find commonality with a hermaphrodite!

Send good wishes and congratulations to Samantha, who received long-awaited and much-deserved good news at her beta yesterday.