Yay for it being Wednesday and another week down! The clinic called on Friday and wanted to reschedule our u/s for Nov. 1 due to a doctor conflict! Ugh! Thankfully, after I reminded them that they have two doctors in the practice, we were able to reschedule the u/s for Oct. 28 and with the doctor with whom we have been working all along. So only one day longer to wait.
My mother emails me at least once a week to "check in." I have some mixed feelings about it. I tell her what I know/have heard from F, but beyond that, I'm not sure what she's asking. I assume she's asking about the, um, happy situation. Is she asking only about that or is she checking in on me as well? I usually also tell her how crazy work is, how busy I am with school, etc. I know she's excited, but it's a little weird for me b/c I'm not the one experiencing the happy situation, so I'm not sure what to tell her and what she wants to hear. How did others going through surrogacy handle such inquiries?
I'm a little irritated by a close friend--someone who considers us best friends-- and her reaction to our news. Basically, she responded "awesome" and then went on to talk about herself, and I haven't heard anything more from her since. Well, I've heard some about her new job. I'm trying not to be oversensitive, but I guess I thought that maybe she would...I don't know...be a little more engaged? Even though it hurt, I engaged with her when she was pg. I suppose I thought that since our friends hadn't really been there for us during the dark times, maybe they'd be there for us during a happy time. I guess I was wrong on that as well. I know it's early, and I know she's busy with her new job and 5-month-old. I also know that she is and has always been somewhat flaky. She always tells me what a good friend I am, but it's never reciprocated. I hesitated even to post about it b/c I'm not exactly talking much about our situation yet and wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. But it's really bothering me.
I think the bigger issue is that even though I'm more cynical than that, a part of me hoped that maybe things would magically spring back to normal with our friends if we had success and all the stress on those relationships (naturally caused by our inability to you know, just get over it and act like everything was hunky dory as they proceeded to journey to the next stage of life) would be repaired. And that Husband and I could and would forgive and forget all the hurts they caused us by never calling, seldom emailing, changing the subject if we expressed sadness, anger, or bitterness, not acknowledging birthdays, basically not being what we consider friends when we needed them most. We aren't the same people as we were 3 years ago, though. We've become accustomed to being alone, and that's ok. And I really don't want to focus on this friend and her behavior and count only the slights when this is a great time for us and so many people have been genuinely happy for us. Hopefully writing about it will help me exorcise some of the anger I feel.
I don't want to end this post on a nasty note, so here is a picture of my mums in full bloom:
