The Bizarre World of the OB's Office

First of all, thank you all for your comments on my super-long, somewhat maudlin, melodramatic previous post. Some posts cause "posting regret" afterwards, and I worried about that one. As always, you all provided me with wonderful empathy and support.

We had our first OB appointment on Monday, and what a strange experience that was. Husband and I felt like that episode of Grey's Anatomy in which Christina discovered the heaven-like dermatology floor. After the tense, worried, unsmiling atomosphere of RE offices over the years, we didn't know what to think to be in a doctor's office where people were (mostly, usually) happy to be there and smiling. Husband said he needed a drink afterwards because he was so stressed out and unused to such a happy atmosphere LOL. We met with the nurse first, and it was amusing as she tried to figure out how to approach the patient history. She finally asked both F and I to answer each question since a certain answer from either of us might be important.

The actual doctor visit was ok. She couldn't find the baby's heartbeat with the Doppler, which coworkers had thankfully warned me would likely happen at least once early on. That meant we got another ultrasound! We were able to see the baby swim from one side to the other and move around. The baby's legs seemed incredibly long. It has morphed from an alien to something resembling Anne Rice's Taltos in the Mayfair Witches series. However, we have our own name for it :-) The doctor was a bit terse, but thankfully after our experience with our last RE (AKA Dr. Sticks-Foot-In-Mouth), we could handle it. Distressingly, the clinic had NOT sent F's records over despite her having signed the release form. I'm not surprised, though. Front office organization was not one of the clinic's strong points. My only concern about the records is that they seem reluctant to use the due date we gave them (June 3) because they typically date from transfer not retrieval and want to see the u/s reports. I'm sure it will all be worked out.

We also ran into people we know in the waiting room. They are casual friends from Husband's high school days. They were at our wedding, but we're Christmas card friends mainly. Anyway, they are 8 weeks with baby #2...and #3. Yes, twins (likely naturally). That was a bit of a slap in the face. I still can't encounter twins without feeling a pang for our vanished twin. I hadn't expected to encounter anyone we knew, so I was caught off guard. I figured that I couldn't pretend to be there for a routine gyn visit with Husband there, so we told them our news, and to their credit, they didn't bat an eye when we mentioned surrogacy. It's not that I don't think people will say awful things, but I expect a few double takes. Or maybe I shouldn't? Anyway, it was a good practice. Maybe it was serendipity after my friend worries of the last week. She and I have been emailing a bit since, and it feels pretty natural.

Because I am who I am, I have a new worry: the quad screen. We will have that test at our next appointment in December, and I am petrified. I know that the odds are very good that everything will be fine, but suddenly, that test is all I can think about. And it's a month away. Ugh. I'm trying to talk myself down, but it's not working so far. I think my anxiety is exacerbated by this being the last major work week of the semester as well as sinus issues. I'm feeling tired and not entirely well. We decided not to have the first trimester screening, and now I wonder if that was smart. However, Husband and I had a good talk about it tonight, and I'm hoping that our talk has helped me to push my anxiety about that test from the front burner on high to the back burner on a low simmer.

My next project will be trying not to hyperventilate when I talk to my mother and she blithely talks about baby stuff. I kid you not. The past two times I've talked to her, she has chatted about cribs and happy baby stuff, and I've felt a full blown panic attack threatening. I think she gets to me because she glosses over my worries and fears like they are nothing, which is one reason why I withdrew from her over the past 3 years. I didn't and still don't need platitudes.

Book sale was wonderful: 59 books for $32. Can't beat that! I even bought two books to read to the baby. We're going to make a podcast for F to use. I also ventured to the parenting section and didn't freak out. It's interesting to me to plot our fertility journey with the book sale over the years: November 2005: I whispered to K that we were trying. She was somewhat dismayed thinking that I wouldn't be able to enjoy our upcoming sloshy trip to Biltmore. Ha ha. November 2006: Friend J is pg after 1 cycle of Clomid and I have a painful endometrioma after 5 Clomid and one injectable cycle. I shyly and painfully pick out a baby book for J at the book sale. November 2007: I attend the book sale on Friday night with pg K and return to the book sale alone on Saturday. I glance at the parenting section and wonder if 2008 will be different. We meet F and her husband in person for the first time that afternoon and like them a lot.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving. We are 13 weeks today, and I am trying very, very, very hard to count my blessings because I have so much for which to be thankful. Eat and drink lots! I know I will be :-)