Crap

As in my ovaries are crap. After three days of stims, I felt it was working. I felt burning and soreness and was confident things were progressing nicely. When I went it for my first real monitoring appointment today, I couldn't hear much of what the nurses were saying, but I heard that my lining had doubled from 2 to 4, which indicated to me that my estrogen was picking up.

Well. Imagine my surprise when I called at 3 to get my instructions and was told my E2 was only 84 and that I needed to increase my dosage to 500 IUs! Jesus Christ. 500 IUs? Wow. And my estrogen was only 84? I immediately got that anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach. See, my estrogen was 36 when I was cleared to start stimming on Thursday. That means that it has increased only 48 points since Thursday. And 500 IUs?

I don't understand. I've never responded (or not responded as is more accurate) like this. I looked over my numbers from my lone IUI and IVF #1. I was at 69 after 3 days of stims on 112 IUs for my IUI cycle and at 298 after 3 days of 300 IUs on IVF#1.

I know it's too early to panic and to write this cycle off. But damn it. I'm 30 years old. The only thing we thought we had going for us and the primary reason we are pursuing surrogacy are my eggs. I've always seemed to produce decent eggs. Now my fear is that it will be a struggle to get a few eggs and they won't be good and this cycle will most definitely fail. And that we will have waited a year for the privilege of failing at something else.

Damn it, damn it, damn it. All I wanted to do this weekend was relax. Now I'm torqued up and worried about our cycle which seems doomed to failure to me, and all I want to do, all I can do is cry.

I have to return for more bloodwork tomorrow. I hope the numbers are better.

Cycle 1

I received a very welcome email from our surrogate last night: she has officially started her first cycle since last March (when she became pg with a surro baby). YES! Her cycles resuming is such a big step forward. It looks like cycle 3 will be in early May, so hopefully the clinic can accomplish all her testing in May and start synching us for cycling. I'm on BCPs already, so hopefully that's one less step. Based on her cycle, it appears that the earliest transfer could be would be late June. We have an appointment with an attorney next Thursday to start drafting the contract. It is a little weird that someone's cycle could make me so happy, but in this case, it's a good thing.