Bloodletting

I hope everyone had a good weekend. If you are in the South like I am, you probably had a very hot weekend. I wanted warmer temperatures so I could wear cute summer clothes, but wow. I don't know if I was ready for 90 degree temps.

So, we are making progress. I have scheduled appointments for Husband's labs and SA as well as our nurse education class and psych eval. We met with a new doctor at our clinic last October, but it seems that he doesn't work out of the local office anymore, so I decided it would be a good idea to meet meet with the main doctor in order to go over my protocol and at least say, "hi," so that appointment is made as well. I've asked my surrogate to make her appointments as well, and I'm waiting for the clinic's billing department to call me back so I can set up billing info for our surrogate's testing.

Day 3 happened to be on Saturday, so I made my way to the clinic bright and early and was there at 7:45 am. I had my blood drawn for E2/FSH as well as the IVF labs by 8:30, but I insisted on an u/s because I wanted to check out what was going on with my ovaries--specifically my endometrioma--and I'd rather know the situation now before we start cycling than discover something heinous after I've already had a few injections and have to cancel the cycle. So I marched back out to the waiting room and sat and waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. They were really busy that day, so I thought that maybe they made me last. Finally, at 11:30 when the last cycling patient had been seen, I asked if I were still going to have an u/s. Funny how they got me back so quickly. It may be silly, but I was determined not to leave. Yes, I was there for 4.5 hours, but I wanted that u/s. And I think I'm finally at the point in my treatment history where I'm going to make sure I get what I want. And I wanted an u/s.

As for the u/s itself, it revealed that my old friend Fred the Endometrioma is still hale and hearty at 26mm. He would make an excellent follie. The somewhat surprising news is that my right ovary also has 7 cysts. I guess normal cysts...not endometriomas. How can I have cysts when I have been on BCPs since October? I've even had a few months where I've done back-to-back BCPs. Huh? The nurse thinks they'll resolve, but ugh. Maybe they explain what that pinchy/pulling pain on my right side has been. Luckily, my left ovary is perfectly clear. It better be ready to pull its weight and then some.

It felt a little weird to be back in a clinic's waiting room for a monitoring appointment again. It's been almost a year since I've been in that place. It was a familiar feeling, though, even though it was a new waiting room.

I sent the 3rd draft of the contract to our surro, and she had a question about the compensation schedule that we are working out. Hopefully we will get that settled today and then we can have the attorney update the contract, and we will be ready to sign and notarize!!!

Husband asked his mom if it was ok with her to have her listed as the person designated to take custody of the baby if we both were to die while the surro is pg. Her response was an enthusiastic, "I'd love to!" before she quickly qualified that by saying that she of course doesn't want us to die. LOL. I'm glad that MIL is happy to have the responsibility if necessary.

And I'm still slightly panicked by all the stuff we need to do. I'm a process-oriented person, so I need to just let go and breathe.

Deer Be Gone

I used to like deer. Sweet, shy animals. So pretty. I grew up in a rural area and now live in a somewhat rural area, so seeing deer is not uncommon, but there is still something magical about seeing them wander through your back yard. Unfortunately, the deer really like my roses. We first discovered this last year when on Mother's Day, I went outside and found my bushes mauled. The roses survived, but the roses had been full of buds ready to bloom, and it was a kick in the gut on an already hard day.

We hadn't had problems with deer yet this year, and I hoped that the wet spring might keep them away since they could easily find food. Alas, that theory was shot down yesterday. My rose bushes were again full of buds, days away from exploding with blooms. I went outside yesterday, and you guessed it...they had been eaten. The poor bushes look shorn. Again, they're still alive, but it's so awful seeing the bushes like that. So yeah, I used to like deer. Nobody messes with my roses. We used a "deer-be-gone" spray last year that worked ok, but we've decided that a more permanent solution is needed: chicken wire. It's going to look awful around the bushes, but hopefully it will protect them.

In surrogacy news, we are making a little progress! We received the second draft of the contract late yesterday, and there is only 1 tiny correction that needs to be made. The donor/surrogacy coordinator from the clinic FINALLY returned my call yesterday (I had called her twice in the last week with no response). It turns out that we CAN get started with testing since our contract is in the finalization stages! I'm going to try to schedule my testing today, and I've emailed our surrogate to set up hers. I asked the coordinator when we could start cycling, and she said that if the surro's tests come back clear, then with her next cycle (mid-June)! I'm still anticipating things really getting going in July, but wow.

The funny thing is that after she told me that, I started to panic a little bit. Am I ready for this? Do we have all our financial ducks in a row? I had a brief desire to flee. After waiting for this for almost 9 months, I panic? That's not the reaction I was expecting. But I calmed down. I am ready. We ARE ready. This is one of those situation in which I just need to take a deep breath and a step forward and let what needs to happen happen.

Antsy

It sucks being back at work after a 4-day weekend. Sigh. At least it's Tuesday though. And, I looked at my calendar and realized that I have no meetings this week! Score! I do have to go to Greensboro on Friday, but that's ok. That makes the week seem even shorter, which is never a bad thing.

Husband and I had a great weekend. We slept late. I read 3 books. We ate junk. We caught up on shows saved in our DVR. We even made more progress in our ongoing quest to clean our garage. And what a beautiful weekend! Our neighbors have put bird houses and feeders throughout their back yard, and as a result, we have birds everywhere in ours. It was so nice sitting on our porch yesterday watching the birds. For the first time, I could understand how people become bird watchers.

I'm feeling pretty antsy, though. I'm hoping to receive the next draft of our contract this week. We've had some delays getting the attorney the final set of changes. Husband gave her one set last week. Then he emailed her the last part which she apparently did not get. He tried to call her on Friday but she was in court, and of course yesterday was Memorial Day. Argh! I'm feeling antsy because 1) our surrogate has now completed the three-cycle requirement by the clinic and 2) there has been quite a lot of success for some of my fellow Intended Parents lately, and that makes me want to start cycling NOW.

I'm also antsy because I had been looking forward to Memorial Day for so long, and now that it has passed, I don't have anything to look forward to except for cycling, and since I don't know when that will be, I'm frustrated. However, we finally decided to take control of our situation and are going to plan a beach trip for after my summer school class ends (if it isn't cancelled, another source of uncertainty). I felt like everything would resolve around our unknown cycling schedule, but at this point I doubt we will be cycling until late July at the earliest and also at this point, what's another week? I feel good about this decision. Hopefully all the hotels won't be booked for July.

My pg friend A, the one who is pretty much living out my high school fantasy by marrying my high school guy, mentioned the word "shower" to me over the weekend. Every time I hear from her, it unsettles me. I finally replied today, telling her that I would try to come, but that showers are hard for me. I also laid out the hard time I am having with her pregnancy and its suddenness. In nicer terms of course. She lives out of state, and we don't talk as frequently as I do with my geographically closer friends, so I don't think she's as aware of what dealing with IF has been like for me. I'm still having trouble comprehending that she's married to my high school guy and pregnant by him when 6 months ago she was lamenting her broken engagement to her ex-fiance. But I'll get over it eventually. It's just a doubly or triply weird situation for me with a lot of baggage.

I'm a Winner!

I won!!! I won, I won, I won!!! There were 15 people in my category, and I was one of three winners for it. I was shocked but very pleased. The conference was pretty good, but I was happy to return home last night, and I'm not too sad about being at work :-) Now the only things between me and the weekend are my final projects: one is due today and the other is due tomorrow. I need to proof the one for today and send it off, but I have a bit more work to do on the other. I tried really, really hard, but I couldn't get it all done in Florida. Oh well! I'm at the point where I just want to turn something in and be done with it.

We're supposed to receive the draft of our contract this week, so hopefully it will come today or tomorrow. I heard from our surro, and cycle 2 started on time, so that means we will fulfill the clinic's three-cycle requirement by mid-May. Finally something seems to be going right! She hasn't mentioned anything else about the lump, so I'm assuming everything is ok. She hasn't been able to get online much.

I haven't been able to keep up with everyone's blog lately. Give me a few more days, and life will be back to normal. Free time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First Official Step

It's official...we have an attorney on retainer and the contract underway! We met with an attorney with experience drafting surrogacy contracts yesterday and went over our GC's requests and ours and various parts of a contract. It went really well. We hope she can have the contract complete by the end of the month and then we both can sign it have it notarized!

It's a weird feeling having an attorney on retainer. It feels sort of cool to be able to say, "OUR attorney says..." or "OUR lawyer says..." LOL. Thankfully she is retained for a fairly benign matter and not some criminal issue :-)

Our GC is a little confused about what she thinks was her first post-partum cycle. She said it lasted for only one day, but she's still crampy. Since I don't have children and have no experience with post-partum cycles, I don't know if that is in the realm of normal or not. She does have three children, so I'm assuming based on her confusion that her post-partum cycles with them were more normal or at least longer. I'm trying not to worry. We won't know if it was a cycle until she either has a more real cycle or if her April cycle begins when she expects.

We also have the lovely task of figuring out who gets our child(ren) if both Husband and I die during our surrogacy journey. THAT will be fun. Right now we are leaning towards Husband's mother because we trust her to do the right thing and make sure that the other grandparents see the grandchild(ren). I'm not sure if I trust my mother to do that. Sad, but true.

Procrastination

It's sort of surprising, but I feel like I have been procrastinating since we and the surro agreed to match. I don't know why. I'm excited and thrilled, but I've been putting off getting the ball rolling. I finally emailed our surro today and took her up on her offer to start the contract. So, yay! At least something is getting done.

Maybe I've been procrastinating because the contract phase has been the part I've been dreading all along. I've always hated money talk and negotiating, but now we are getting to the nitty gritty, and such talk is necessary. Maybe this is where Husband gets involved. He is much better at that sort of thing than I am. Not that I expect the contract phase to be rough or combative, but I'm more squeamish about that sort of thing.

I met with a new therapist on Saturday. So far, I really like her. She isn't trained specifically in IF, but that's ok because I had a bad time with the IF-trained therapist I saw previously. She diagnosed me as dysthymic (mild, chronic depression), which wasn't a surprise. I really need someone with whom I can talk objectively and who is there to listen to me, and if I have to pay $40/session for it, then so be it. I'm going to try to see her twice a month. I'm hoping she can also act as a behavior/reality check for me. It's so easy to become caught in your own world when dealing with the IF stuff, and I need someone who can pull me back and tell me when I'm obsessing too much.

Other than that, not much else is going on. I'm doing school work and reading quite a bit. Work is insane, but what else is new?