Will we ever get there?

Husband and I met with the doctor at the clinic on Wednesday. Our appointment was for 3:30. Despite there being no one in the waiting room, we weren't called back to the office until 4. Another 10 minutes of waiting and the doctor walked in, greeted us, and was promptly called back out. Forty minutes later he deigned to rejoin us and didn't even apologize for the fact that we had been sitting there twiddling our thumbs for almost an hour. However, I have heard about this doctor from local women, so I was prepared for anything.

The meeting was good but a tad frustrating. I think my biggest problem was that he wouldn't LISTEN to what we were saying. He's trying to get us to have SCSA done on Husband's sperm, but said if the results are bad, we could use 50% donor sperm and 50% Husband's sperm but wouldn't tell us if bad results would mean little or no chance of pregnancy. He said if we were determined to use Husband's sperm regardless then he wouldn't do the test. Okkkk....do you require it or not? Do the results matter or not?

And it looks like we are facing more delays. When he found out I was on BCPs, he told me to stop them immediately and that he wanted me off them for a month before we cycle. I told him about my endometrioma, and he said he wants to see it for himself in a couple of weeks and then he would decide whether to treat it. Glad I waited 4 hours for the ultrasound a few weeks ago! It sounds like he treats it using a type of sclerotherapy. He will drain out the gunk and then bathe the area with acohol or something.

He wants to sync me and our GC starting with the cycle after I've been off BCPs...ok, problem is that I don't ovulate regularly (like I need more problems?!?!). He said we could use Provera to get me started. Great. Sometimes with provera it takes me 7-10 days after the last pill before I get a period. I think the best idea is to use our GC's cycle and plan around it. Her July cycle should be late July, so maybe we can get started then. And that will dovetail nicely with the end of the 1 month requirement. But argh. There are so many variables to consider. Will they want to put her on BCPs for a couple of weeks? If I'm not on BCPs, will I go straight into lupron? What if I do ovulate but it's weeks before our GC has her July cycle? Will that delay us another month?

At this point I am thinking we'll be lucky to start cycling in August. My brain knows that August isn't very far away, but my heart and emotions are impatient and tired of waiting.

Oh, the pathology report on my moles came back the same day, and they were diagnosed as abnormal. Not benign. Not malignant. Abnormal. How was this communicated to me? Via a postcard in the mail!!! I freaked out and ran upstairs to Google it. I think I'm ok. I think it means that the moles don't look normal but they aren't cancerous and may not even indicate an elevated risk for melanoma. Nothing like being told you are abnormal via the mail!

I came in and cried and cried. I cried out all the frustration I have been feeling, and it felt good. In some ways, my attitude towards the cycle has changed. A few months ago, I was thinking that surrogacy just might work, and now I'm thinking that the hurdles are so high that of course it won't work. All the delays are just salt in the wound. But at least I feel more stable now that my emotional levels have been reset.

Bloodletting

I hope everyone had a good weekend. If you are in the South like I am, you probably had a very hot weekend. I wanted warmer temperatures so I could wear cute summer clothes, but wow. I don't know if I was ready for 90 degree temps.

So, we are making progress. I have scheduled appointments for Husband's labs and SA as well as our nurse education class and psych eval. We met with a new doctor at our clinic last October, but it seems that he doesn't work out of the local office anymore, so I decided it would be a good idea to meet meet with the main doctor in order to go over my protocol and at least say, "hi," so that appointment is made as well. I've asked my surrogate to make her appointments as well, and I'm waiting for the clinic's billing department to call me back so I can set up billing info for our surrogate's testing.

Day 3 happened to be on Saturday, so I made my way to the clinic bright and early and was there at 7:45 am. I had my blood drawn for E2/FSH as well as the IVF labs by 8:30, but I insisted on an u/s because I wanted to check out what was going on with my ovaries--specifically my endometrioma--and I'd rather know the situation now before we start cycling than discover something heinous after I've already had a few injections and have to cancel the cycle. So I marched back out to the waiting room and sat and waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. They were really busy that day, so I thought that maybe they made me last. Finally, at 11:30 when the last cycling patient had been seen, I asked if I were still going to have an u/s. Funny how they got me back so quickly. It may be silly, but I was determined not to leave. Yes, I was there for 4.5 hours, but I wanted that u/s. And I think I'm finally at the point in my treatment history where I'm going to make sure I get what I want. And I wanted an u/s.

As for the u/s itself, it revealed that my old friend Fred the Endometrioma is still hale and hearty at 26mm. He would make an excellent follie. The somewhat surprising news is that my right ovary also has 7 cysts. I guess normal cysts...not endometriomas. How can I have cysts when I have been on BCPs since October? I've even had a few months where I've done back-to-back BCPs. Huh? The nurse thinks they'll resolve, but ugh. Maybe they explain what that pinchy/pulling pain on my right side has been. Luckily, my left ovary is perfectly clear. It better be ready to pull its weight and then some.

It felt a little weird to be back in a clinic's waiting room for a monitoring appointment again. It's been almost a year since I've been in that place. It was a familiar feeling, though, even though it was a new waiting room.

I sent the 3rd draft of the contract to our surro, and she had a question about the compensation schedule that we are working out. Hopefully we will get that settled today and then we can have the attorney update the contract, and we will be ready to sign and notarize!!!

Husband asked his mom if it was ok with her to have her listed as the person designated to take custody of the baby if we both were to die while the surro is pg. Her response was an enthusiastic, "I'd love to!" before she quickly qualified that by saying that she of course doesn't want us to die. LOL. I'm glad that MIL is happy to have the responsibility if necessary.

And I'm still slightly panicked by all the stuff we need to do. I'm a process-oriented person, so I need to just let go and breathe.