Sunday, August 23, 2009

Back to Work

I apologize again for the delay in posting. It's just been hard to find the time or energy to post. Daniel is quite a dynamo!

Amazingly and sadly, tomorrow is my first day back at work. I can't believe it has been 12 weeks already. The summer is almost over! September is mere days away! Daniel will be 12 weeks on Tuesday and 3 months on September 2. I've enjoyed these last 12 weeks so much. It's not an option for me to stay home, and in some ways, I feel relief that the choice is made for me. I don't know what I would choose otherwise.

Daniel is great. He is a robust 11 pounds, 14 ounces as of Thursday...a whole 5 pounds, 4 ounces more than he weighed at birth! I think he's about to outgrow many of his 0-3 months outfits. Suddenly it has hit me that my baby boy is getting big!

He is cooing and chatting up a storm. I love it. We talk all day. I sing to him, and it is so rewarding when he gives me a big grin in response. Ohhhhh he is precious!

I don't deal well with change in general, so that's part of my nervousness about tomorrow. In some ways, it feels like the first day of school. I know there have also been a ton of changes at work, and the effort required to reacquaint myself with them and force my brain into work-mode seems exhausting. But I think it will be nice at the same time which of course is part of the problem. Thankfully I am working half days my first week back, so that will help the transition.

Our daycare situation has changed in that my MIL has volunteered to watch Daniel, and we accepted. It was completely unexpected, but she and my step-FIL as well as her parents are super excited about it because they didn't get this much time with their other grandchild and are excited to be able to spend time with D. We're going to pay her, but it still will come out way less than daycare. We were really lucky. I'm not 100% convinced the situation is going to work out due to Husband's grandmother's health problems. My MIL is an only child, and I wonder if she will need to take care of Husband's grandmother, but it is extremely important to Husband's grandmother that D not go to daycare, so we'll play it by ear for now. I had a minor freak out a few weeks ago about D in daycare and worrying about whether the staff would comfort him when he cried (silly I know since we loved the daycare we had selected), so I'm happy for Daniel to be with family for at least a little while.

There has been some drama with my mother over Daniel staying with MIL. Argh. I'm not sure what to make of my mother. She was great when we brought him home (cooking and cleaning non-stop) but over the 4th she read Twilight practically the entire time and then whined about how she hadn't gotten to spend any time with him. She then wanted desperately to come up again, and we settled on a date only for her to decide to reschedule at the last minute. We decided on early August, and they were running late to the point where they didn't arrive until almost 2pm. It was kind of weird considering all I had been hearing was how much she and my stepfather longed to see him again. He was napping when they arrived.

I told her gently about Husband's mom keeping D instead of him going to daycare (and it's kind of absurd that I felt the need to tiptoe around this revelation at all) and while she was supportive of that, she became maudlin. The quantity of alcohol she consumed didn't help. She went outside and cried, later informing us she was having a bit of a pity party. She barely held D, only talking to him and then whining that he wasn't going to know them. I think she went outside to cry a few more times. Keep in mind at this point he was about 9 weeks old...he had barely started to recognize and respond even to Husband at this point. D starts crying late in the afternoon like hungry, sleepy babies do, and we were trying to feed, change and put him to bed. My mother and stepfather followed us everywhere---even into our bedroom where D's Pack N Play is--and tried to help, handing us diapers and just generally getting in the way. It was so annoying that we finally shooed everyone out. My mother proceeded to make a mess in the kitchen cooking (we had originally planned to go out to eat but she decided to bring food). Around 10pm, I absconded to the bedroom where Husband already was keeping guard over the baby. He was furious. We rounded up the cats and locked the door, all 6 of us sleeping in the bedroom because we didn't trust my mother not to try to come in and see Daniel.

Argh. It's a weird situation. I believe my mother loves her grandson, but my stepfather keeps mentioning how she's trying to get used to having a grandson instead of a granddaughter and will have to figure out what to do with him. In April when he said that I didn't pay too much attention because it may have been a one-off comment but he has repeated it several times since then. She doesn't interact with D much though. She doesn't hold him much but instead spends time looking over patterns to make him a christening gown or reading. I can't decide if she truly has a problem with him being a boy or just isn't good with babies. It's hard because she tells me she wishes she were closer and saw him more and that they have my cousin bring over her baby boy (less than 1 month older than D) so they can get their baby fix. I feel like they get their "fix" satisfied to the point where they don't even need to hold D.

The one bright spot is that I have always rather cow-towed to my mother due to her unpredictability, and I wondered if I would be able to stand up to her once D was here, and I was reassured to discover that yes, I could. I went into Mama Bear mode. HE is my priority and HE gives me the strength to stand up to her. I don't want him to have to worry about any of this crap.

Fingers crossed tomorrow and the rest of the go smoothly! My hair has been cut and my toes freshly polished :-) Hopefully that helps give me strength.