Friday, May 29, 2009

Eviction Date Set

I wish I had more interesting news like we were in L&D at our Raleigh hospital. Alas, I do not. Our appointment today was uneventful and kind of disappointing :-( We have made no further progress in regards to dilation. I think the doctor may have said that F's cervix was ready even though she remained at only 3cm, but other than that, nothing was going on. We now have an induction date set: June 9. Thankfully, this practice will schedule inductions as soon as two days past the due date (I feared we might have to wait until 42 weeks!). After working through the customary confusion over our due date (the OB has consistently wanted to put us at June 8 despite the RE and every calculator putting as at June 3), the doctor said we could be induced June 8. F really likes this doctor, and she isn't on call until June 9, so we all agreed that June 9 would be ok. Hey, it's only one more day at this point.

You would think that having a firm eviction date would put my mind at ease, but it doesn't. Actually, I'm kind of pissed. I expected this baby to be here this week. And now we might have to wait another full week and two whole weekends???? Ughhhhhhh. I know it's ridiculous for me to feel this way, but when I got back to work, I stomped my foot like an irate toddler. I WANT MY BABY. And it doesn't help that F is THRILLED about getting this doctor on June 9 and how convenient it would be for her to deliver then. She said she was going to stop any efforts (like walking, etc.) to get him to come sooner. That pisses me off as well. Frankly, I don't care how convenient it is for her. I just want our baby here with us.

Husband and I are just tired. We've waited almost 4 years for this baby, and we are ready for him to get here. Our journey with F has been mostly extremely smooth and great, but frankly, we're tired of having so many people in the mix. We just want to have our baby, get him home with us and lock the door. We are introverts, and all of this has just gotten to be a little much. Obviously I am a little stressed as well. I've tried not to post about my petty irritations with F--we are very different people and that's ok--in the scheme of things, it doesn't really matter. She is still a wonderful person and it's been an easy journey, but frankly, we can't wait for it to be over.

I know that an eviction date means nothing. Our baby could decide to come tomorrow or early next week (and I kind of hope he will). And yes, it does help me to know that at the very latest, he will be here June 9 or June 10. I'm just impatient. I've never been a very patient person or handled delays well. So this delay combined with the general stress of having a baby has really gotten to me.

It's also complicated by a little family drama. I love my mother. I do. But she drives me crazy a lot of the time. She treats my house like it's her house. She tends to take over. She makes many situations about her. Basically, she stresses me out. I know she wants to come up here at the first sign of labor like my aunts did with my cousins, but it's obviously not a typical situation. I thought we had agreed that she and my stepfather would drive the two hours to see him once he was born or during labor and then go home and then return once we were discharged to spend a few days with us. Well now they are asking about getting a spare key to our house and just hanging out while we are in the hospital. Is it wrong of me to hate that idea? First of all, they don't know Raleigh, so does that mean they will come hang out in the hospital room while F and I are there? Like all day? Ok, I'm already sharing F's room post-delivery...and these aren't huge rooms, so it's a nightmare to think about my mother hanging out ALL DAY while I'm trying to figure out my new baby. The other scenario, the two of them staying in our house while we're at the hospital, doesn't thrill me either. I want to know that when I leave this house--messy or clean--to go to the hospital for our baby is how I will return. I shake at the thought of them locking our cats up accidentally in various rooms and Husband having to deal with them by himself for two days. Plus, my stepfather hates just sitting around, so heaven knows what projects Husband will have to prevent. Is it just me or does that sound like a nightmare waiting to happen?

Ideally, I'd love it if people would leave us alone for a week after the baby comes to start to learn him and his needs and bond. I know that won't happen (I'm an only child), so at the very least, I want a few quiet days in the hospital and then I'll be ready for my mother and the onslaught of visitors.

Ack. I really am going to try to enjoy this weekend. I promise. I bought flowers today to plant in my flower garden, and I dream of taking the baby out to enjoy them later in the summer.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Suspended Animation

Still here. Still no baby. Baby boy is showing us that he has a mind of his own. F has been pg 4 other times, and each of those times she has never gone past 39 weeks. Until now. Yesterday was 39 weeks. Today is (obviously) 39w1d. And Baby Boy is apparently happy as a clam, moving and squirming but making no move to emerge. I feel a mixture of pride and irritation that our baby is the one to break the cycle; at the same time I fear what that might indicate about his personality and will :-)

It's a weird feeling because I don't know what to do with myself. When I left work on Friday, I left feeling good about where I stood in regards to any outstanding tasks. I had finished all the major stuff. We had a busy weekend putting the house in order and by Monday, we were very pleased with our progress. Baby things washed and put away. Clothes back in our closet. Flooring tools put away. We looked at each other and said, "We're ready!"

When I left work on Friday, I felt myself disengaging from the office. I knew that even if I were at work this week, it would likely be for only a short time, so I returned to work on Tuesday feeling calm and detached. Unfortunately, as the week has progressed, I've somewhat lost those feelings of detachment and calmness. Will he ever come out? Will they make us wait 3 more weeks before inducing us? And F feels great! She has a lot of energy and even thinks her appetite has increased.

It's a little frustrating because I know I need to think of these unexpected extra days as a gift and treasure them. Read. Eat good food. Cuddle with Husband and kitties. Try to sleep. But instead I'm an anxious, stressed mess who just wants the next day to come b/c Baby Boy might make his appearance. Oddly, it feels a lot like it did between cycles when all we did was wait for the next appointment or chance.

I know I'm whining. He will come out eventually, I know that. Our next doctor's appointment is tomorrow, and she could easily tell us she wants to get the show on the road. It's just interesting to me that I'm back to waiting impatiently. At this point, I've decided I'm going to plan on planting flowers on Saturday because I really don't think he'll be here by then!

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Twiddling our thumbs

I wish I had something exciting to report, but I don't. Still no baby. After Wednesday's excitement, things have been pretty quiet. On one hand, I'm glad because the scare earlier in the week served as a very effective paradigm shift, and I've rushed to finish up a few outstanding tasks, pack bags, etc. On the other, we are SO ready to meet him! I wonder if it will be another week or so?

We reached a major milestone today: Husband put the last bit of caulk on the floor in the closet, meaning that after six months, the flooring project has finally ended. I am in disbelief lol. I had a good day straightening up, washing baby things and generally trying to make order out of chaos. It is a long weekend for us, so while I'd love for the baby to come, I'd like a few quiet days as well. I haven't been sleeping well and keep waking up around 3am. If I return to work on Tuesday due to no baby, I tell myself that I am starting to mentally detach because I've finished the big stuff.

-- Post From My iPhone

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Back Home

It looks like he won't be coming tonight. It wasn't a false alarm per se. F is dilated to 3 and contracting. The doctor sent us to the hospital for monitoring, but no additional progress had been made after about 3 hours, so they sent us home.

I'm ok with that. Now I have one more night to get my ass in gear and pack my and the baby's bag. I'm interpreting it as our baby boy giving us a heads up that he will be here soon!

-- Post From My iPhone

38 Weeks ... and Baby?

Today is 38 weeks, and I thought it would be nothing more than the day I made a big star on my calendar and kept my phone with me obsessively. It has turned out to be a much more interesting day. F texted me this morning and told me that she was having some contractions that were stronger than Braxton Hicks but weren't coming consistently; she would call me if they did. I somewhat calmly called Husband and told him to make sure that he had the carseat with him today.

I kept a death grip on my phone all day,and F called me at 3 to tell me that the nurse wanted her to come to the OB's office at 4:30. While the contractions still aren't regular, she is having 4-6 an hour and they are strong. She's feeling a lot of pressure and just hot all over.

Needless to say, I am (calmly, quietly) freaking out. There has been a surreal element to our journey all along, and this morning I had convinced myself that the baby wouldn't arrive until next week. Or heck, maybe he would defy us all and be late. My bag isn't packed. I have baby things in the dryer. House is still somewhat of a wreck.

But at the same time, I am ready. Maybe today is an auspicious day.

I'll keep you posted! Who knows, maybe I'll be home watching tv later on LOL.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

37 Weeks

Happy Saturday to you all! The baby isn't here yet, but I feel like we are on call any time after next Wednesday when we'll be 38 weeks.

We're on the way to our second shower and I'm beginning to feel a little more prepared, especially since the floors are done, we have a nursery and we are no longer sleeping in the living room.

I'll be back with a longer post and pics later!

-- Post From My iPhone

Sunday, May 3, 2009

In Search of Zen-Like Calm

Today we are 35w4d. Oh, and according to the doc at our appointment on Friday, F has lost the mucus plug and is 1cm dilated. Gulp. F and the doctor are both calm and not worried or concerned, and I know these are just signs that we are moving towards labor, but Husband and I are a little freaked out :-) Sounds like we definitely will have a baby soon!

This week I feel like someone hauled me up onto a train that is moving quickly towards its final destination. All I can do is hold on, ride and accept that it is in motion and that I have neither the option of getting off nor slowing it down.

Are we ready? Hell no. Will we be? We'll be cutting it close, but I think so. Or at least close enough. The nursery and the master bedroom are freshly painted. The floors are done. He needs only to install the baseboards. He'll do the nursery first which means once we are done, I'll finally be able to arrange the furniture and start decorating.

I turned in my final project for class on Friday and am officially done. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my back, and now I can focus on finishing up the backup plan for work as well as some outsanding tasks I plan to finish as well as turning my focus to all-baby, all-the-time! I look back over that last 4 months and truly wonder where all the time went. I can't believe it is May. I can't believe that it is possible we will have a baby in about 20 days. I never anticipated how busy this year would become. Note to self: next time you go through something like this, don't take a class. It's great that I now have only 9 semester hours left in my graduate program, but I truly don't feel like I gave my best effort this semester. That's ok. It was likely good enough.

I've started to feel a little panicky about finishing up things at work, and I've decided to regroup and take control. I need to spell things out for my direct reports. I think "keep it simple" will be my mantra. My staff needs a lot of guidance, a bit more guidance than I expected, and I want to make sure things go smoothly while I'm gone. Many people express dismay about what will happen while I'm out, which feels good, but at the same time, it makes me worry. I've also had some work drama recently with one of my direct reports. He is causing me some headaches due to his feeling entitled to rewards despite not having produced much. But I need to regroup and refocus my efforts and just spell it out for him.

We have our first shower next weekend. Five friends are hosting it, and it's a book shower apparently. I say apparently because I never received an invitation and wouldn't even know what time it was being held if F hadn't told me. It's been hard to get hold of the planners. I'm a little anxious about this shower because 3 of our 4 sets of parents will be there. My mother will be there, Husband's mother, stepfather and grandmother will be there, and my father and stepmother will be there. They all will get along fine, but I'm still nervous about the dynamics. Also, F will be there. I got the impression that she wanted to come to a shower, and Husband and I decided this one would be the best one since she wouldnt' have to travel too far. F is feeling a little anxious and has reassured me a thousand times that she wants to make sure the attention is on me and Husband and not her. I really, really appreciate that and I'm also worried about how she will be treated. I don't think she will be treated badly or anything--part of the reason I invited her was because my friend K and other family members really want to meet her and honor her. I just worry that some people will ignore her out of confusion over how to talk to her or treat her. F gets anxious very easily, and I don't want her to be stressed. Her mom is coming with her, and part of the reason I agreed to inviting my mom was because she has met her and at least it will be another familiar face. I'm sure everything will be fine, but there are just several factors that make me anxious. Hopefully I'll be able to post a week from now about how wonderful the shower was and how silly I was to worry.

After a few delays, our PBO is almost complete. It will be presented to the judge on Monday or Tuesday and then we will be officially the parents of our baby boy! Next week is also a big week because we have the tour of the birthing center on Tuesday and our baby care class on Wednesday. I remember signing up for that class in late January and I cannot believe it it time to take it.

We attended the 1st birthday party for our friends K and G's little girl last night. She looked adorable and again, I can't believe that she is 1 already. We gave her books. For my friends' daughters, I get them an age-appropriate book and Anne of Green Gables to grow into since it is one of my favorite books. I was touched because our friends' families were very interested and excited about our impending arrival and peppered us with questions throughout. It's silly, but it still pleasantly surprises me that people are interested in and care for our situation. Hard to believe that this time next year we might be planning a first birthday party of our own.

After our shower next week, we have two more showers the following weekend. I fully expect the baby to come around Memorial Day. Should I go ahead and buy a few basic supplies just in case he comes earlier? I'm feeling a little unprepared.

Sorry for the rambling post. For the first time in months, I don't have school work to do, and I treated myself by cleaning both bathrooms LOL. I'd say I'm nesting, but the bathrooms really needed it. I've also had some benadryl due to allergies, so I feel a little out of it ;-)