Saturday, March 28, 2009

The Big 3-0

Thirty weeks as of last Wednesday! I have so many emotions: elation, panic, wonder, and excitement to name a few. Reaching 30 weeks feels like a huge milestone. He could be here in as little as 8-9 weeks! Crap! Yay!

It seems like we finally got our asses in gear and accomplished some tasks this week too. Unfortunately, that sense of accomplishment does NOT include the baby's room. We settled on a daycare yesterday and feel really good about the decision. It's 10 minutes away from both of our offices, so we can visit at lunch. It is fresh, clean, bright and roomy, which is great since we saw other daycares that looked shabby and small despite costing a lot. I feared the babies would be stepped on; they were truly that crowded. And the price is good too.

We also ordered the nursery furniture. The crib was the only piece in stock and will arrive in about 2 weeks. The dresser is back-ordered but should be available in mid-April. The nightstand won't arrive for 14 weeks. We don't have time to customize the fabric/wood for a glider (14 weeks), but fortunately, the sales lady pointed out a new floor model of a pricey chair and said
she could cut us a deal to move it. I was happy to get that chair! It is quite roomy and cushy. It is possible the baby's room might not be truly finished before he arrives, but the crib and glider are probably the two most important pieces to have.

F is doing well. She says the baby is so constantly active that she begins to worry if she doesn't feel him. She thinks he may have turned head-down in the last few days. And the heartburn has returned with a vengeance.

There has been a tiny bit of drama on Facebook recently. I joked that maternity leave would seem like a vacation from work, and I received some responses from friends expressing wonder at the idea of maternity leave being vacation. Most were tongue-in-cheek.

F hates it when people try to scare me with newborn stories, so she posted that she wished they would stop trying to scare me and that in her opinion, the hard phase is when they become mobile. Well, my cousin replied that she had to nurse her babies every 2 hours for 30 minutes at a time for 6-8 weeks and it was exhausting even though she loved it.

F took exception to my cousin's post and felt the need to defend me. I thought that was sweet. I ended up posting again to the thread about how i'm not naive and am prepared and even looking forward to the baby crying, sleeping, pooing, etc.

F and I talked about it on Tuesday. She felt bad about being snarky when she realized the problem poster was my cousin. I told her not to worry about it, and I meant it. My cousin is a bit of a know-it all and believes her way is the best and only way.

I was a little bothered by the whole situation, though, but not for the reasons you might think. I feel like what bothered me in those posts was a sense-real or not--that everyone thinks I really am disconnected from the process of having a baby. That I have NO idea what it will be like to have a newborn in the house and the sheer life upheaval in my near future. Maybe I'm being over-sensitive, but I feel like the mommy hazing is more about saying that I didn't walk through the same fires they did and haven't "earned" my mommyhood, that I am somehow not part of the club because I am not carrying the baby. I'm not an idiot! I've read and talked to others with children about what it will be like. I'm prepared for there to be difficult, hard, even awful days. I resent the implication that we are stumbling into this with no idea of what is coming. That is insulting to Husband and I and what we have been through to get here.

And then I take a step back and realize that maybe I am being over-sensitive and that mommy hazing is normal-apparently it is fun to scare the mother-to-be with baby tales. Maybe this teasing is an indication I am part of the club.

Our next doctor appointment is Tuesday! It should be a routine appointment. Husband will finish the floors in the baby's room tomorrow. Yay! Much house chaos is coming in the next few weeks as the attention turns to putting hardwoods in our bedroom. It is stuff like that that makes me look forward to sitting on the couch, rocking my baby.

I've been thinking a lot about our first few days home with the baby and who will be with us. More to come on that this week.

-- Post From My iPhone


sacredandscarred said...

Oh you have definitely "earned" mommyhood. Your fires have been hotter, deeper, higher, wider.

S said...

I agree with the PP. I can make you a promise. Once you have your baby in your arms, you are not going to be any different from any other Mommy out there. There isn't a new Mom out there that really knows what it will be like - you can only guess. Maybe it's a rite of passage for experienced Moms to try to shed some of their own personal reality on the situation but seriously I don't think that it has to do with you not "carrying" the baby. These last few weeks are hard as you are waiting, your nerves try to freak you out about everything. The first couple of weeks are very challenging but time goes so fast. All I can say is have some meals that are pre-made in your freezer. Have foods on hand that are no brainers to prepare for the first little bit. No worries about the nursery not being complete. Little B's still isn't done and it doesn't matter. She likes it anyway. Congrats on your 30 week milestone and huge hugs!

Intending To Be Parents said...

Congrats on crossing the 30 week line - awesome!! I'm so glad to hear that F and your little guy are doing good, though bummer about the heartburn :( I think that's awesome she was protecting you, I don't know her, but I can tell I like her :)
You know, I hear you on that feeling that people don't think I earned my mommyhood - I actually have that feeling quite a bit. For me it's more of a fear that that's what people are really thinking. But I too think that sometimes I'm being oversensitive about it. I don't know. But what I do know is that my friend had no problem having her children had lots of people "impart" their wisdom on her and it drove her up the wall and she didn't have the situation we do, so no matter what the scenario, we're going to get "well-meaning" advice that we don't really want and I guess it's (unfortunately) just part of it. I think I'll take it more personally because I do feel defensive about not being able to carry my babies myself and I'll want to prove myself that much more. But we'll both get through this and I think we're both going to be very good mommies. :)

Ellen K. said...

Congrats on 30 weeks!

I think the mommy hazing is standard and not because of the surrogacy. I've blogged about how extremely UNhelpful other moms have been. I know I'm guilty of it already, but when I bitch to someone who isn't a parent about how much work is involved, the identity crisis, etc., I'm voicing my own frustration rather than trying to tell that person, "no, you don't get it" or "just you wait."

By the way, my SIL, who comes over one morning a week to help out for a few hours -- she is fantastic -- told me that the older women with whom she works actually criticized HER for continuing to help me out at nearly 5 months post birth. They believe in a trial by fire, apparently. I said to my SIL, "I guess you know whose husband was a lazy SOB." And I'm sure most of them lived near their own mothers and had a lot more help than they recall!

I agree with S. about freezer foods. Stock up!

Samantha said...

Congrats on making it to 30 weeks! I don't think any "mommy hazing" had anything to do with your surrogacy. As far as I can tell with these first six weeks with MC, I couldn't have imagined how difficult it would be or how much I would love him. I'm sure your cousin meant the same thing about it being exhausting and rewarding, even if you don't have nurse every two 1/2 hours around the clock. Who knows what your baby will be like, or what your problem areas will be? For example, MC is a great sleeper at night, but practically refuses to nap and descends into terrorhood each evening. Your cousin could rightfully be jealous of him sleeping for 6 hours in a row, but she sure wouldn't want him at from about 6-10 PM! I don't know that there's a way to prepare for the first few weeks, other than having help and support of people who've done it before and a good husband who supports you.

Duck said...

check out lupron with add back (2 x micrinor 1 a day for 2 days and then 2 days 0.5 estrace and switch).
Congrats on 30 weeks - soon!

Anonymous said...

I so agree with sacredandscarred! Even though you aren't carrying the baby, he is yours and you are the MAMA! There isn't a mother out there who has actually given birth or had a surrogate or adopted that can say she knows what it is like anymore than you do right now. Try not to let it get to you. Go ahead and settle with husband on who is going to do what so when you are sleep deprived you don't bicker over the small stuff. This is your happiness and don't let superficial snarkiness on FB steal any of that from you. All my best, Lea

nutmeg96 said...

People did the mommy hazing to me, particularly when Lexie was in the NICU. I used to get so pissed when they'd be all, "get some sleep now!" I felt like they were acting like having a NICU baby was some walk in the park vacation from my responsibilities. As if I were going to spa days and sleeping like a rock while my baby was in the hospital.

Now that she's home I don't want to admit on my blog how tired I am because it might validate them. :) (The sleep deprivation does kind of suck, but I think our IF experiences help us to see the big picture and to know that this is just short-term.) Seriously, I understand where you're coming from. People just don't realize how insensitive they are being, you know?