Movement?!?!

Greetings on this quiet (at least in my world) Wednesday! We are 15 weeks today! Sometimes I can't believe how quickly the last few weeks have passed, but I know I still have quite a bit of time to go. Yesterday, F told me that she is pretty sure she is feeling the baby move. She has felt it three times and says it feels like something is moving under her skin. This is her fifth pregnancy, so she's the expert! We were very excited to hear that he is moving.

I started back on the anti-anxiety medication on Friday and after a rough few days of being jittery and not sleeping, I think it's back in my system. I already feel calmer and more detached from some of my stressors, so I'm hoping my last few working weeks of 2008 can proceed smoothly and calmly and that I'll be able to relax over the holidays.

I went to a cookie exchange on Saturday, and it was mostly fun. I've known most of the women since 2001 when we met online planning our weddings. We soon met in person since we all live locally and have gotten together a few times a year at least since. Not surprisingly, I've pulled away from the group a little bit in the last 2 years because most of them have had babies, and it's just been too difficult. However, the cookie exchange is a tradition I try to participate in. they know about the surrogacy and eventually, the conversation moved to me and the latest news. I was a little bothered by some of their comments unfortunately. I mentioned that this baby was F's fifth pregnancy in reference to leaving some decision up to her, and one of the women commented, "So she's a pro" and then stopped, laughed and said, "She really IS a pro!" One of the women asked if F worked, and I told her that she was a SAHM and that her youngest had just started school this year. She commented, "Wow, how nice! I would love to get paid to sit and 'bake' a baby as my job!"

You can imagine my dismay. The whole conversation ruined some of my enjoyment of the day. For one thing, I bristle at the implication that surrogacy is a job and that we are F's employers. Sometimes I struggle to put into words the relationship we have with her because we are not family or friends (we didn't know her previously) and yes, we are paying her to carry our child. But it's not at all employer-employee. We're...partners? All the talk of it being a job and her being a professional seemed to cheapen our situation and relationship. I feel very protective of our surrogacy and path to parenthood.

I also feel bad because I didn't say anything to correct them when they made the comments. I've corrected people one-on-one in the past about surrogacy not being F's job, but I don't know why I didn't then. I consider this group of women to be fairly enlightened, so maybe it shocked me that they held some of the same misconceptions as others do about what surrogacy is. Also, I didn't feel completely in control of myself and responses due to the anti-anxiety medication, so I feared that my response would be less controlled than I liked. These women mean well. They are genuinely glad for us and would be upset if they knew I was hurt by their comments, so maybe that's why I didn't say anything. I guess in some ways I should be glad this situation occurred with people I like and in a fairly benign environment. It's good preparation for the comments we might receive once we announce our news at work and to the general public. Better start working on our answers...

Husband and I are headed to Asheville for the weekend on Friday for our annual trip to Biltmore House. We go almost every year for the Candlelight Christmas event and get sloshed at the winery. We've gone with friends and family in the past but really enjoy it just the two of us. I'm considering it a last hurrah for a while since we likely (hopefully!) won't be able to go next year. It's a special trip for us because we spent our honeymoon in Asheville, so it feels like an anniversary celebration every December we go.