I wish I had more interesting news like we were in L&D at our Raleigh hospital. Alas, I do not. Our appointment today was uneventful and kind of disappointing :-( We have made no further progress in regards to dilation. I think the doctor may have said that F's cervix was ready even though she remained at only 3cm, but other than that, nothing was going on. We now have an induction date set: June 9. Thankfully, this practice will schedule inductions as soon as two days past the due date (I feared we might have to wait until 42 weeks!). After working through the customary confusion over our due date (the OB has consistently wanted to put us at June 8 despite the RE and every calculator putting as at June 3), the doctor said we could be induced June 8. F really likes this doctor, and she isn't on call until June 9, so we all agreed that June 9 would be ok. Hey, it's only one more day at this point.
You would think that having a firm eviction date would put my mind at ease, but it doesn't. Actually, I'm kind of pissed. I expected this baby to be here this week. And now we might have to wait another full week and two whole weekends???? Ughhhhhhh. I know it's ridiculous for me to feel this way, but when I got back to work, I stomped my foot like an irate toddler. I WANT MY BABY. And it doesn't help that F is THRILLED about getting this doctor on June 9 and how convenient it would be for her to deliver then. She said she was going to stop any efforts (like walking, etc.) to get him to come sooner. That pisses me off as well. Frankly, I don't care how convenient it is for her. I just want our baby here with us.
Husband and I are just tired. We've waited almost 4 years for this baby, and we are ready for him to get here. Our journey with F has been mostly extremely smooth and great, but frankly, we're tired of having so many people in the mix. We just want to have our baby, get him home with us and lock the door. We are introverts, and all of this has just gotten to be a little much. Obviously I am a little stressed as well. I've tried not to post about my petty irritations with F--we are very different people and that's ok--in the scheme of things, it doesn't really matter. She is still a wonderful person and it's been an easy journey, but frankly, we can't wait for it to be over.
I know that an eviction date means nothing. Our baby could decide to come tomorrow or early next week (and I kind of hope he will). And yes, it does help me to know that at the very latest, he will be here June 9 or June 10. I'm just impatient. I've never been a very patient person or handled delays well. So this delay combined with the general stress of having a baby has really gotten to me.
It's also complicated by a little family drama. I love my mother. I do. But she drives me crazy a lot of the time. She treats my house like it's her house. She tends to take over. She makes many situations about her. Basically, she stresses me out. I know she wants to come up here at the first sign of labor like my aunts did with my cousins, but it's obviously not a typical situation. I thought we had agreed that she and my stepfather would drive the two hours to see him once he was born or during labor and then go home and then return once we were discharged to spend a few days with us. Well now they are asking about getting a spare key to our house and just hanging out while we are in the hospital. Is it wrong of me to hate that idea? First of all, they don't know Raleigh, so does that mean they will come hang out in the hospital room while F and I are there? Like all day? Ok, I'm already sharing F's room post-delivery...and these aren't huge rooms, so it's a nightmare to think about my mother hanging out ALL DAY while I'm trying to figure out my new baby. The other scenario, the two of them staying in our house while we're at the hospital, doesn't thrill me either. I want to know that when I leave this house--messy or clean--to go to the hospital for our baby is how I will return. I shake at the thought of them locking our cats up accidentally in various rooms and Husband having to deal with them by himself for two days. Plus, my stepfather hates just sitting around, so heaven knows what projects Husband will have to prevent. Is it just me or does that sound like a nightmare waiting to happen?
Ideally, I'd love it if people would leave us alone for a week after the baby comes to start to learn him and his needs and bond. I know that won't happen (I'm an only child), so at the very least, I want a few quiet days in the hospital and then I'll be ready for my mother and the onslaught of visitors.
Ack. I really am going to try to enjoy this weekend. I promise. I bought flowers today to plant in my flower garden, and I dream of taking the baby out to enjoy them later in the summer.
8 comments:
It is so funny how alike we are - introverts who find it difficult that we have to bring in such a huge team to have a baby - but your baby will be here soon (and hopefully as soon as this weekend!) I too would want to be alone for a week, or amonth with our child when ever we get to have it - after so many years waiting! not a lot to ask for. hang in there you are in the end game - be there soon!
Ugh, the waiting really SUCKS, especially at the very end when you thought for sure the baby would be here already! I thought for sure our babies would be here by Thanksgiving, and when they weren't I was so disappointed. I'll keep my fingers crossed that baby decides to come out sooner rather than later.
I completely understand. Ditto, ditto, ditto. I told my hubbie the same thing - that I would like us to spend a week just us and the babies after, g-d willing, the babies arrive healthy. And I know what you mean about just wanting your baby safe and sound in your arms without all the coordinating, differences and communication stuff. I get it.
Elizabeth, I really get this. Tell your mother (nicely) to just stay home. You didn't get to do the pregnancy part. You should get to do the post-delivery part however you want to. I know it's easier for me to say that then for you to do it, and I know it's really none of my business, but I feel for you.
I will be praying your little boy makes his appearence sooner rather than later. You're right--it's time for you to be able to take everyone else out of the equation!
I completely understand. The last couple of weeks are SO incredibly hard. I felt the same way you do. Even though we had an awesome journey, and our GS was a close friend, you get to a point where you just NEED to be a NORMAL mom...the one person in the mix. A lot of independence is taken from you when you do surrogacy. Even if you embrace the uniqueness of the journey for those 9 months, by the end you are dying to just be normal...like everyone else with a baby. Here's the good news...the second you come home that is handed to you. It's like the keys to the city. :) But I'm not going to lie, it's not like that at the hospital. It's still very much the culmination of a group experience and you get very little time alone with doctors coming in and out constantly. For that reason I can't recommend enough that you tell EVERYONE...family included...THAT YOU NEED THE FIRST WEEK BACK ALONE. I didn't take anyone up on offers of help (just brief visits from grandparents only) because I needed that alone time. I had never been alone with our babies before...and it was my time (and my husband's). Put your foot down. I'm an only child too. You can do it. And it's so worth it. That first week was magical. And oh so needed. You are almost there. If there is one thing I can say to remember right now, no matter how much you want this to be over, just remember how much you wanted infertility to be over. This is a WONDERFUL thing to want to be over. Try to focus on how excited you would have been knowing this is what you would be doing right now a year ago.
Your baby will be here before you know it! You're so close now after years of waiting. I will say, the hospital is NOT that relaxing. We had to spend a week there after our baby was born and I sent my husband home after one night - it was just too crowded in our tiny room. Eventually we started trading nights with the baby while one of us went home to sleep. We hated being in the hospital so much and were thrilled to get back home. We actually have done just fine without any help, much to my surprise. I hope your mom and stepfather go on their way soon, unless of course you decide you want them to stay a little longer. Best of luck to you!
hope yo had a GREAT weekend. The suspense is a killer!!! That kid is already giving you an attitude. just wait until he's a teen!!..LOL
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