Friday, June 20, 2008

Will we ever get there?

Husband and I met with the doctor at the clinic on Wednesday. Our appointment was for 3:30. Despite there being no one in the waiting room, we weren't called back to the office until 4. Another 10 minutes of waiting and the doctor walked in, greeted us, and was promptly called back out. Forty minutes later he deigned to rejoin us and didn't even apologize for the fact that we had been sitting there twiddling our thumbs for almost an hour. However, I have heard about this doctor from local women, so I was prepared for anything.

The meeting was good but a tad frustrating. I think my biggest problem was that he wouldn't LISTEN to what we were saying. He's trying to get us to have SCSA done on Husband's sperm, but said if the results are bad, we could use 50% donor sperm and 50% Husband's sperm but wouldn't tell us if bad results would mean little or no chance of pregnancy. He said if we were determined to use Husband's sperm regardless then he wouldn't do the test. you require it or not? Do the results matter or not?

And it looks like we are facing more delays. When he found out I was on BCPs, he told me to stop them immediately and that he wanted me off them for a month before we cycle. I told him about my endometrioma, and he said he wants to see it for himself in a couple of weeks and then he would decide whether to treat it. Glad I waited 4 hours for the ultrasound a few weeks ago! It sounds like he treats it using a type of sclerotherapy. He will drain out the gunk and then bathe the area with acohol or something.

He wants to sync me and our GC starting with the cycle after I've been off BCPs...ok, problem is that I don't ovulate regularly (like I need more problems?!?!). He said we could use Provera to get me started. Great. Sometimes with provera it takes me 7-10 days after the last pill before I get a period. I think the best idea is to use our GC's cycle and plan around it. Her July cycle should be late July, so maybe we can get started then. And that will dovetail nicely with the end of the 1 month requirement. But argh. There are so many variables to consider. Will they want to put her on BCPs for a couple of weeks? If I'm not on BCPs, will I go straight into lupron? What if I do ovulate but it's weeks before our GC has her July cycle? Will that delay us another month?

At this point I am thinking we'll be lucky to start cycling in August. My brain knows that August isn't very far away, but my heart and emotions are impatient and tired of waiting.

Oh, the pathology report on my moles came back the same day, and they were diagnosed as abnormal. Not benign. Not malignant. Abnormal. How was this communicated to me? Via a postcard in the mail!!! I freaked out and ran upstairs to Google it. I think I'm ok. I think it means that the moles don't look normal but they aren't cancerous and may not even indicate an elevated risk for melanoma. Nothing like being told you are abnormal via the mail!

I came in and cried and cried. I cried out all the frustration I have been feeling, and it felt good. In some ways, my attitude towards the cycle has changed. A few months ago, I was thinking that surrogacy just might work, and now I'm thinking that the hurdles are so high that of course it won't work. All the delays are just salt in the wound. But at least I feel more stable now that my emotional levels have been reset.


Sue said...

I always feel better after a good cry, but I'm so sorry you were pushed to that point. It's frustrating to encounter more barriers, especially when you think you're actually getting close to cycling. Don't give up - you will get there.

Duck said...

Sorry to hear about your cr*p appointment.
Just an FYI for you, I went straight from BCP to lupron for my IVF cycle, I had an extended lupron bit (about 3-4 weeks instead of the standard 2, my RE said studies have shown that it helps to really supress endo ladies before doing ivf. He was right, I got 10 eggs even though he thought I would only get a few.. It doesn't make sense for us endo chicks to ever have periods if we can avoid them.
AND if you have endometrioma it really really really should not be drained, when they drain them, the cyst is still there, it then can start to leak into the cavity. If it leaks your endo can get worse by causing yet more endo impants... not to have you panic or anything, but, just make sure you do lots of research before draining the endometrioma or doing anything with it (studies have proven that you get the same results if you have surgery or don't prior to an IVF cycle and surgery can damage your ovaries/egg count).
sorry this is so long.
It sucks that you keep getting roadblocks, it can be so furstrating and emotionally draining!

sara said...

I'm so sorry that you had a frustrating appointment. Getting delayed is never easy, and you have so patiently waited so long for this already for your surrogate and contract to be ready. I hope that they're able to answer all of your questions for you. I'm not familiar with the test they talked about for your husband, otherwise I would throw in my two cents of assvice, not that I have any great semen authority :-) I'm glad the moles weren't malignant, but gee wizz I agree - did they have to mail you the news?!?! I'm hoping that it will soon be smooth sailing for you. I'll be thinking of you and sending some hugs..

kate said...

I want to punch your doctor in the kidneys. What an ass. How confusing can he be???

And what up with sending you notice like that in the mail? That's absurd! They totally should have called you with something like that.

I'm sorry all of this happened to you, and I'm sorry it made you cry. However, I always find that a good hard cry can feel good sometimes, so I hope that it at least made you feel a little better to just weep it out.

nunnthewiser said...

new peep here having found you through my searches for gestational surrogacy blogs, as we may be in that boat soon. so even though i'm a total stranger, i thought i'd say hi and give you some digital warmth. asshole behaviour seems so much worse when it comes from a dr.

niobe said...

I'm not going to go back and look it up, but I think that we matched with a surrogate in April 2007. It wasn't until April 2008 that we were actual able to do a cycle (with a different surrogate),

Oh, and this was an FET.

Samantha said...

Sometimes medical professionals forget that there are patients back there with feelings, lives, questons, etc. I'm sorry that your doctor, whom I know well, is not being more straightforward about all of this. I'm sorry about the waiting time! I've been there.

However, I think things will work out, although it may not be as soon as you would like.

Kymberli said...

I don't know how the endo will affect synchronization, but usually at least the GS is on BCPs to get in sync with the IM. There are different ways to sync, and I wish that your RE had been clearer about how he intended to do that with the two of you. Surrogacy is lots of things, but one thing it is not is easy, unfortunately. There are always downs, but I hope that this journey will have more ups than downs for you. Hang in there.