Wednesday, January 9, 2008

An end to the January, post-holiday blahs?

I've been having a rough couple of weeks. My mood just will not recover. I've considered calling my doctor for an increase in my pharmacological support but so far have held off. I did make an appointment with a new therapist for next week, so I'm hoping it will help to have someone with whom I can talk. I'm feeling pretty lonely and silenced lately thanks to friends who seem to end the conversation when I try to open up to them about how I feel.

Anyway, something good actually happened this week that may help my mood. My organization is part of a larger national organization, and every year the national organization has a large conference in April at which awards are presented for categories like innovator of the year, practitioner of the year, etc. I received an email yesterday telling me that *I* am my organization's nominee for Unsung Hero of the Year! I was stunned and pleased. I'm not sure who nominated me (my boss perhaps?), but it's so great to feel recognized for once. The nomination means I get to go to the conference in April, which is nice since I was invited to go last year (my organization doesn't allow everyone to go since we have 100 people) but had to decline because I was cycling. I had wondered if not going had hurt my chances to be invited another time.

After I received the email informing me of the nomination, I started to feel so guilty about how I had been feeling. I really do have a lot to be thankful for, and I need to focus more on that and less on "woe is me." That's an attitude with which I have struggled for a long time, so I don't expect a quick adjustment. I have a close friend at work who is going through marital troubles, and I am trying to be there for her (unlike how my own friends have NOT been there for me). She knows about the IF difficulties and my constant anxieties, paranoia, depression, worries, etc . I just feel so spoiled. Yes, my situation is bad and I'm sure no one would want it, but hers is bad too. She's really worried about money right now in addition to what to do with her husband, and other than the IF, I have it pretty good. I felt bad complaining and whining to her, and I hope that I have been a help and shoulder for her instead of being self-centered and spoiled.

So, it's a lesson for me. Hopefully the nomination is the kick I need to get out of my dark place.

Oh, in surrogacy news, I've told the potential surro that we would like to match with her and asked what the next step is. Do we go straight to contracts or should Husband and I meet with a lawyer first?


K77 said...

You really don't want to add guilt to your back of crap. It is OKAY to feel like things suck for you. What anyone else is going through is irrelevant to your pain.

Cool about the work stuff & surro.

Samantha said...

Congrats on the nomination! I have to remind myself too that I have lots of other good things going on in life.

niobe said...

My view is it probably would be a good idea to meet with a lawyer, preferably one who's familiar with surrogacy law, so that you can work your way through the different aspects. Or do you already have a contract drawn up and it's just a question of getting everyone to sign it?

sara said...

Good luck with the surrogacy news... that's great...keep us posted!