Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Procrastination

It's sort of surprising, but I feel like I have been procrastinating since we and the surro agreed to match. I don't know why. I'm excited and thrilled, but I've been putting off getting the ball rolling. I finally emailed our surro today and took her up on her offer to start the contract. So, yay! At least something is getting done.

Maybe I've been procrastinating because the contract phase has been the part I've been dreading all along. I've always hated money talk and negotiating, but now we are getting to the nitty gritty, and such talk is necessary. Maybe this is where Husband gets involved. He is much better at that sort of thing than I am. Not that I expect the contract phase to be rough or combative, but I'm more squeamish about that sort of thing.

I met with a new therapist on Saturday. So far, I really like her. She isn't trained specifically in IF, but that's ok because I had a bad time with the IF-trained therapist I saw previously. She diagnosed me as dysthymic (mild, chronic depression), which wasn't a surprise. I really need someone with whom I can talk objectively and who is there to listen to me, and if I have to pay $40/session for it, then so be it. I'm going to try to see her twice a month. I'm hoping she can also act as a behavior/reality check for me. It's so easy to become caught in your own world when dealing with the IF stuff, and I need someone who can pull me back and tell me when I'm obsessing too much.

Other than that, not much else is going on. I'm doing school work and reading quite a bit. Work is insane, but what else is new?

4 comments:

JJ said...

Best of luck with your new therapist--I just found one as well, and I am SO glad I did.
Also thinking of you as you get further into surrogacy talks!

Ellen K. said...

I did see a counselor specifically trained in IF, and it was good for awhile -- sometimes I needed it -- but it was actually tiresome in the end, always talking for an hour every other week about IF only.

Samantha said...

I've been seeing a therapist too--not IF trained, but specializing in anxiety, and in fact it is nice to have a place to just talk about IF without worrying about judgment. I stopped her for a while, but have started up again, I missed it.

sara said...

Good luck with the surrogacy process..and I'm glad you found a new person you like! I'm thinking of you often!