May Flowers

As I count down the minutes left in my work week (I'm blowing out of here at 4:30!), the view from my desk is made infinitely lovelier by the flowers on the chair in front of me. Now that spring semester is over, I can turn my attention to my flower garden, I am giddy with the possibilities. I work very close to our local farmer's market and today I bought some gorgeous flowers: 2 types of marigolds, 3 impatiens, and 1 petunia. Husband and the kitties are buying me more flowers for my garden this weekend. I am so excited! I have a lot of warm colors so far, so I need to get a few cool blues/violets for contrast. I also need to replace my weedy-looking pansies with some vinca. I LOVE this time of year! I need to be careful not to overdo it, though, since I don't want to spend the entire weekend gardening. Today's purchases are a good start.

My roses are starting to bloom too. Roses are my favorite flower. That may be a tad bit boring and unoriginal, but to me, roses are the most beautiful, perfect flowers. We have 6 bushes: 2 Black Magic, 2 JFK, 1 purple tiger and 1 gemini (red, white, and burgundy/violet). We plan to buy a yellow-orange bush as well. Throughout our years of IF, sometimes my house has felt like a prison and sometimes it has felt like a sanctuary. Right now it feels like a sanctuary. It's my safe haven.

Mother's Day. I'm sure many if not all of us are preparing for Sunday with a bit of trepidation if not outright dread. It certainly is not my favorite holiday. This year, instead of dwelling on my own situation, I've been dwelling on my relationship with my mother. She lives 2.5 hours away. I love her, but we have pretty different personalities, and she can cause me a great deal of pain with her comments. Right now she is extremely supportive, but there is an emotional distance as well. I'm extremely private about my life and feelings with her. I don't trust her with those things. I'm not sure if I'm making much sense. It's a complicated relationship. Anyway, as Mother's Day has approached, my guilt level has increased exponentially. A good daughter would be with her mother on Mother's Day. A good daughter would have made plans weeks ago. A good daughter would call her mother more. So I sent a last-minute email seeing if she wanted to get together on Sunday (she doesn't - we're going to get together the Sunday following), and I paid a ridiculous amount to have flowers sent to her tomorrow. I hope they arrive on time. And I'll call her on Sunday. I'm just so confused about what I *should* do...what I think a good daughter would do and what I am capable of doing.

Hey...two minutes to go. Better log off. I hope everyone has a good weekend and makes it through Sunday.