Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Transfer Revisited

Ok, now that I have had a few days to get over my hormonal psychosis (complicated by the fact that AF or something like it decided to come on Sunday, which explains some of the weepiness on Saturday), I wanted to write more about the transfer itself. I've been quite self-centered over the past few weeks as I dealt with my cycling woes, and I want to make sure to give transfer its due and not shortchange our surrogate and the wonderful thing she is doing for us.

I think it was good that we had to wait 2 hours for transfer because it gave the four of us time to bond even more. F's husband is pretty quiet, but he and Husband really hit it off and chatted a lot. F felt like an old friend as we sat there talking about every subject under the sun.

It is the oddest experience to watch your embryos being transferred into someone else. I am so amazed that there are women who are generous enough to do this for someone else, often someone they don't know well. Transfer went very smoothly, something F was worried about because some of her previous transfers have left her very crampy. Maybe the RE's technique has improved ;-) Our RE was in rare form and quite jocular as he prepared for transfer. The man had the gall to tell us that if he were a woman, he'd never have a baby himself and that surrogacy was the way to go. As well, the clinic has helped several women lately who have pursued surrogacy due to job conflicts. There are many, many valid reasons for surrogacy, but the reasons he listed (job conflict and desire to avoid childbirth or the "inconvenience" of pregnancy) are certainly not OUR reasons for pursuing surrogacy. It was insulting to me, Husband and F.

After transfer, Husband and I stayed in there with her for the required 15 minutes. It felt pretty intimate. Here we were, the three of us who will (hopefully) play a role in adding a baby to our family. It helped that I had IVF and FET cycles under my belt so that I could empathize with F's full bladder and the awfulness of hearing the toilet flush seemingly next door while you are trying to block out the bladder twinges (though I wish I had had valium for MY previous transfers...or heck, valium that day!).

After transfer, F and I hugged. She left with our embryos for a few days of bed rest while Husband and I went to our favorite Mexican restaurant to celebrate my birthday, celebrate making it this far and celebrate the possibility of what might come.


Samantha said...

It is amazing that F is giving you the opportunity to have children because it's got to be emotionally difficult to carry someone else's child. I'm glad you were able to use the long wait as a chance to enjoy each others' company.

I could see your doc saying stuff like that - maybe it's good you don't have to see him too often!

niobe said...

That doctor is an idiot. Next time you see him, be sure to wear stilettos so you can "accidently" step on his foot.

Everything crossed. I so want this to work out for you.

Intending To Be Parents said...

Some doctor's are very intelligent and yet have absolutely no tact. So hopefully everyone could just ignore his tasteless comments. I'm hoping this one is the one that sticks so that you don't have to see too much more of that guy!
Thinking sticky thoughts for you! Wishing you all a speedy 2ww!

JJ said...

Been cheering you on from the sidelines--Ive got everything crossed and anxiously await each post!

Duck said...

it is amazing that women are out there who will become surros.
Your RE is an idiot, total can't believe he would say that to you and F, totally insults all of us out there in the world of surrogacy

Sue said...

How nice you've been able to bond with your surrogate. She sounds absolutely amazing. I hope things work out for all of you.

Ellen K. said...

What an odd thing for the RE to say... I suppose he thought he was being "supportive"?

Happy birthday belated!

sara said...

I loved the fact that you described the feelings involved with the transfer portion of this cycle. I'm so glad that the transfer is complete and that F and you were able to share such an amazing moment. I've said it so many times before, but I think that what you are doing with her is such a beautiful and intimate (hope that doesn't sound too weird) process. I can't really think of any other situation that is even remotely similar. I am so proud of you and everything that you have done to get to this point. The strength and courage it takes to undergo this is a lot. I think of you daily and am keeping my fingers crossed. Yummmmm mexican sounds good too!

Kymberli said...

I agree with Niobe - the doctor is an idiot. I personally couldn't be a surrogate for someone who merely wanted to avoid pregnancy because it didn't fit in well with their work schedules. How will a child fit into their schedule? Off my soapbox -

Transfer has always been for me some of the best times spent with my IPs. I'm glad that you enjoyed the day with your surrogate.