Friday, August 10, 2007

What Next?

Our follow-up with the RE was Tuesday. She was very honest with us, which we appreciated. She estimated our chances at 25-35%. The clinic averages 50% for 2007 with women in my age group (< 34). Argh. She pretty much told us that she didn't know what to tell us to do. If we had insurance coverage, she would tell us to keep trying, but with all of my issues and the fact that with such good-looking embryos we had BFNs on both the fresh and frozen cycles, she, like us, wonders if it is a waste of money to cycle again.

So now what? We discussed protocol changes if we cycled again. We thought we might cycle one final time in the fall, but now I think we are leaning towards waiting a few years...possibly moving to adoption in the meantime and then cycling in a few years with a surrogate. The only unknown in all this is what the endo will do to my ovaries and egg quality. I think it's a gamble I am willing to take. I have no doubt that if we cycled this fall, it would fail. And if we had no embryos make it to freeze, it would be doubly devastating. However, saying that we might cycle again in a few years leaves the door open -- just a crack-- for a biological child. It preserves my hope...just a tad.

I'm not thrilled about the surrogacy idea, but Husband really wants a biological child. If he's willing to pay for it and do it relatively soon AND agrees to adopt, fine. Let's do it. However, after last night, I have no idea where we stand. He has not considered adoption at all and needs to do so and accused me of pressuring him. Ok. I thought we were on the same page. Apparently not. I also found it hard to believe that throughout all of this, he has not been able to consider adoption. Hello! Where has he been? It makes me think he's been sticking his head in the sand. Whatever.

So now I feel like everything is on hold and I have no idea what we'll do next or when. And I feel so down about it and lost.

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