Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Lucky?

In the earlier post titled "People Suck" I mentioned my best friend and her comments to me about how lucky we are and that maybe our IF is nature's way of evening things up.

This friend and her husband started TTC this month and are of course pg. First month trying. Didn't even know when she ovulated. Of course she is pg. And yet she thinks that DH and I are lucky? Ha.

I'm angry and resentful but mostly sad. And of course, not at her but at the situation. It sucks that some people are able to achieve this so easily (I had completely forgotten that sex made babies). And it really sucks that we are likely never to experience pregnancy.

Husband and I are now the only childless ones in our circle, and it feels like we have gone from odd couple out to truly invisible and alone. They've moved on and we've stayed in the same place.

This friend's pg is different than another friend's b/c when that friend got pg, I still had hope that Husband and I would eventually achieve it as well. Plus, this other friend dealt with some IF herself and so it was bittersweet when she became pg...great for her but envy from me on why her IF was resolved so easily (Clomid). With this friend's pg, I no longer have hope of experiencing pg, so it's both better and worse.

I don't mean to sound so woe is me, but I'm feeling very alone today.

As for adoption, we are moving along the path. We're meeting with a domestic agency next week and will likely sign with them if everything sounds good. I'm still scared of domestic, but we can't afford to do international right now if we hope to start saving for eventual surrogacy as well. I need to take a leap of faith that this will work out. Our hope is to be active with an agency by the end of the year.

1 comment:

Brave China Doll said...

I totally know how you feel about your friend. I seem to face that sort of situation every week. It's not that you are angry with them -- it just magnifies your pain.

I also understand about being the only childless one in your circle. We are in the same boat, b/c at this age, people have babies. I watched as 4 of my good friends all conceived around the same time and now all have 1 year olds or babies. I felt as if pause was pressed on my life while the fast forward button was pushed on theirs because it happened so easily, privately and quickly.

All this to say, I UNDERSTAND where you are.

I hope your appt. with the agency goes well.

Take care,
Becca