Monday, December 10, 2007

Regression

I knew that when I posted last week about my new and improved attitude and general somewhat positive feelings that I was tempting fate and probably should have kept my mouth shut for fear of jinxing it. Sure enough, all last week I suffered from quite a bit of anxiety and what DH refers to as "torquedness." I think a lot of it was caused by the stress of getting everything finished for school.

However the real mood killer came later in the week when I received an email from my pg best friend telling me jubilantly that they were having a girl. I was first shocked because it was so unexpected. Last time I had talked to her about it, they were going to wait until January for the 4D ultrasound, so I was not at all expecting that announcement. After the initial shock passed, I was left with sadness. Husband and I always wanted a girl. Don't get me wrong...at this point if someone gave me a baby with three heads, 12 arms and no discernible gender, I would happily take it, love it and proudly raise it. But...we've always wanted a girl. And now both of our sets of friends who have conceived easily had or are having girls. It just makes it harder to take somehow. It's like...they get THAT too? Argh.

We had a good weekend though. We went to Biltmore House in Asheville for their Candlelight Christmas. We try to go every year or every other year. In recent years, we've gone with friends, but this year, we decided to go alone, and it was great. Good food, good wine, beautiful weather, great house. We got to do what we wanted to do according to our schedule. It was fun. I'm feeling a little guilty though because we didn't invite the pg friends along like we normally do. Husband and I talked about it, but we decided that we wanted a baby-free zone, and given the news we received from our friend the day before we left, I think we made the right decision. However, now I'm worried that our friends may be hurt by our action. We didn't tell them until Friday that we were going, so it seems a little surreptitious. But then the petty, mean part of me comes out, and I think, "Good. Be a little hurt. You get an easily-conceived baby girl in a few months. Surely Husband and I can have a trip to Biltmore alone." Hey, might as well enjoy our DINK status a little bit. Of course, I'm often guilty of over-thinking and worrying, so I bet my friend isn't thinking about our trip at all.

Tonight we put up the Christmas tree. After today, I have 7 more days of work in 2007. I am almost ready to start counting down the hours.

2 comments:

Brave China Doll said...

I'm glad you guys got away. I think it's good to get away as a couple every now and then.

Thanks for checking in. I will get the cyst checked out in a couple of weeks. I felt it a couple of weeks ago, but haven't since then, so I am hoping it is gone! I'll keep you posted.

Enjoy your last few days of work!

Becca

Samantha said...

I'm glad you had a good time at the Biltmore. I bet it was very pretty.

I actually have felt quite a bit of relief after I talked to my SIL about how I felt about her pregnancy, and how while I was happy for her, I still felt jealous, and might need a little space sometimes. It went better than I thought it would, so you could try that approach with your friend too, if you feel like things are little awkward.