Monday, December 31, 2007

Farewell, 2007

I'm feeling introspective today which I suppose is to be expected since it's the last day of the year. First of all, I am THRILLED that Christmas is over. Our family obligations finally ended last Friday, and we were ready not to see any more family. Husband and I have agreed that next year we will do things very differently.

On paper, 2007 doesn't look like a very good year. Two failed IVFs; confirmed diagnosis of stage 4 endo and a unicornuate uterus as well as my right tube being cauterized due to being hopelessly messed up by endo; the return of my endometrioma and the pain and spotting it brings with it thanks to the stimulation drugs for IVF. Work stress and anxiety. Family stress and anxiety. Friend stress and anxiety including a paused friendship and watching friends effortlessly achieve what we want so badly. Coming to terms with the fact that I will likely never carry a baby.

However, 2007 feels much different than 2006 which was a truly horrible, horrible year. We finally knew what was wrong with me. We tried IVF and even though it failed, we've tried it. We have decided on a direction (surrogacy) and even though sometimes I'm frustrated with how long it will take us to proceed, we have a direction. And Husband and I are closer than ever. So, I feel like we are ending 2007 on a slightly more upbeat note than we did 2006.

As for 2008, I hope to god it's a better year. I somehow have to make myself be patient and get through the likely 6 months or more it will be before we can cycle with our surrogate. I'm returning to work on Wednesday feeling stressed and anxious still. January is often not a great month for me. The year feels too new...the holidays are too recently past, and after MLK Day, I don't have another day off for a holiday until May. I hope and pray January passes quickly. I'm taking two classes in grad school, so hopefully it will. I'd like to find some peace in 2008. I'd like to find the strength and fortitude to mend some friendships.

Most of all, I hope that 2008 brings some positive forward progress. This time next year I hope to be ending 2008 on an anticipatory note: we will either be preparing for the birth of our baby via surrogacy or moving on to adoption.

So, farewell, 2007.

No comments: