Monday, February 18, 2008

Breaking up with family

I hope everyone had a good weekend! We had some much-needed rain last night and this morning, though I could have done without the drama of my weather radio going off at 2:30 am. It certainly started my Monday off right!

I received some sad news this morning. My friend's baby died this morning. Even now my friend is choosing to focus on the 19 wonderful days they had with her. I hope that I have similar grace and strength in any crisis I encounter. Please keep her and her husband in your thoughts and/or prayers if you would.

We had an interesting weekend. My brother-in-law, sister-in-law and nephew were in town, which is always stressful because they are incapable of planning. It irritates the entire family because it's like they expect us to be simply sitting around waiting for them to grace us with their presence and have no consideration for us. Husband's family is pretty bad about confrontation, so we all grumble about it but no one does anything. Long story short, their lack of planning sets the tone for the visit as we are all irritated at them by the time they arrive.

Bottom line is this: they were so obnoxious to Husband this weekend that Husband declared we were never attending another family event at which they were also present. Our nephew is 9 and always treats Husband like his personal plaything and wouldn't leave him alone. When Husband didn't want to play "slap the belly," our nephew started calling him a "nancy boy" and his mother, our SIL, egged him on by telling him that Husband is "a nancy boy and will cry if you hit him too hard." Variations of that went on all evening. BIL didn't say a thing, and Husband didn't because it's not cool to beat up a 9-year-old (or his mother). It's hard to explain the context since this behavior has been escalating for a while, but suffice it say that SIL is a bitch who hasn't tried hard to hide her contempt for any of us. And she is raising a very annoying son who is very much his mother's son. Some of the comments he says makes us wonder what his parents say about us when they are home in NJ.

The straw that broke the camel's back, however, came when Husband and BIL (his brother) were outside. They were talking about something, and BIL says, "You're just mad because I passed along my genetic material and you can't." To his regret, Husband was so stunned that he wasn't able to think of a suitable response. And this is his brother! Someone with whom Husband has shared his feelings about our situation. I've often wondered if BIL and SIL are secretly glad we can't conceive so that they have the only biological grandchild, and BIL's comment makes me wonder even more.

So that was it. Husband has had enough. He called his mother yesterday and told her his resolution. Thankfully, she understands. It will be interesting to see how things play out. It's a shame because none of us want to dislike our nephew/grandson, and BIL is Husband's only sibling. But what can you do? We're tired of their crap.

10 comments:

Kymberli said...

I am completely disgusted that your BIL could even think to say something like that! It always hurts the most when crap like that comes from the people who are *supposed* to care and support you. I am sorry that you both had to endure that.

I will also keep your friend and their family in my prayers.

Brave China Doll said...

I am so sorry that your BIL said such an insensitive thing. It's unbelievable.

I am so sorry to hear about your friend's baby...

Ellen K. said...

Holy shit. What an ass! What a trio of asses!

I am sorry about your friend's baby. How sad.

Mrs.X said...

OMG. I can't believe he said that! To his own brother! How incredibly rude and insensitive! I'm usually a non-violent person, but I think he should have decked him for that. Good move on getting as far away from their toxicity as possible.

I'm also sorry about your friend's baby. That is just heartbreaking.

Samantha said...

Wow. That is such an incredibly hurtful thing to say. I understand the need to keep them out of your life.

I'm sorry about your friend.

scarredbellybutton said...

I'm so sorry to hear your friend's news. So sad.

As for your BIL - wow. Some people huh. What a revolting thing to say to your husband, and nephew's treatment of your husband wasn't much better. No wonder you had to break up with them, sometimes that's all you can do to try to preserve your sanity and any shreds of dignity that might be left.

JuliaS said...

The insensitivity and pettiness of people never ceases to stun me. I am so sorry your poor dh (and you) had to endure that. Particularly from family!

I am also very sorry to hear about your friend's baby - how absolutely devastating.

My wishes of peace and comfort to all of you.

Thank you for your comments re: the Lupron on my blog - it is very nice to hear something positive. What you described sounds manageable since most of what I have read and found so far is kind of scary.

sara said...

Oh my goodness... I am so sorry that your husband was told that comment and that you had to go through that day also! I'm also sorry to hear of your friend's baby. Sometimes you look at family and think...there is no way we can possibly be related.

JJ said...

I am so sorry to hear about your friends baby....

tbonegrl said...

that is the most insensitive, horrible thing I have ever heard. UGH! From his own brother!

I am so sorry!