Monday, February 25, 2008

I survived

I survived our friends' 1st birthday party for their little girl. I should say that WE survived because Husband was as nervous as I was. I think he was actually more nervous. The party was originally scheduled for Feb. 16, but the parents rescheduled it due to the baby having a fever. I was very nervous as the original date approached, but the rescheduled date put it on the same day as our meeting with our surrogate's family, so I think my bit of nervousness over the surro meeting overshadowed any nervousness over the birthday party.

The party was good. The baby is very sweet, and it wasn't nearly as hard to see her as I thought it would be. She went right to Husband and looked like she enjoyed being in his arms, which was very sweet. She did the same to me later. Everyone was happy to see us and no snarky comments were made; no stupid comments were made either--a huge relief for us. Husband is making plans for lunch with our friend's husband, so hopefully their friendship can start up again. I think our gift of 4 books (3 age-appropriate books and 1 to grow into) went over very well. I have to say that Husband and I looked good too :-) We both dressed with care, and I had my hair cut last week, so we were both looking our best. It helps your confidence knowing that if nothing else, at least you look good! We'll see what our attendance at the party does for the friendship. I still feel a little bit of hurt and anger bubble up from time to time, and it does frustrate me a little bit that we sort of gave in. Oh well.

Our dinner with our surrogate and her family went well also. It was an interesting juxtaposition going from a 1st birthday party to a dinner with our surrogate. She was so afraid her kids (she has 3) were going to be rowdy, but they seemed like normal kids to us. It was actually refreshing. After our experiences with our nephew, I think Husband and I were afraid that we didn't like kids, but it reassured me that I do like kids because I like her kids. We talked a lot about the process and details. It turns out that she has better health insurance than we do! If I were to miraculously get pg and give birth, it would cost us about $2k out of pocket before insurance paid the rest thanks to my deductible and co-insurance. All she (and therefore we) have to pay is a $10 co-pay at the first OB appointment. I'm going to call the lawyer today to set up an appointment to start working on the contract.

The best news is that our surrogate thinks that she will have the third AF cycle required by my clinic in April! Hopefully we will be able to cycle for IVF in May-June. And now I'm getting a little freaked out because that's not very far off, and I need to find out what tests and bloodwork the clinic needs from me, evaluate whether my endometrioma still exists and how we'll treat it, etc. The good thing is that I am BCPs, so hopefully I won't have too long of a delay to get my body ready for stimming. I think my new clinic uses lupron, and my old clinic used antagon, so I don't know how much prep work I'll requre beforehand. Honestly, I've avoided thinking about these kinds of details because they make my head spin. It's a lot easier on me if I tell myself to take things one thing at a time.

And let me tell mother is SO excited about our surrogacy journey. I'm actually a little bothered by her enthusiasm. I'm glad she's excited and all for it, but I wish she would calm down a bit.


Ellen K. said...

I am glad the birthday party went well. I always try to look especially nice at kiddie events -- sometimes I go so far as to get a Mystic Tan before a baby shower. : P

Congrats on the surrogate meeting! D. and I are good friends with a gay couple who are using a surrogate and on Friday they called me with very good news. I hope you'll have similar news in a few months.

infertility just sucks said...

I hear you on calming the mother down. Sometimes I am just like, "mom! chill!"

They just get so excited and throw all reality out the window! It's fun but it's tough to be the grounded one all the time.

Brave China Doll said...

Ah yes. The 1 yr old birthday parties. I had 3 to go to last year. You did so much better than me! I had to leave one of them because I started crying. It came full circle because I had hoped to be pregnant with their moms and now here they were celebrating their 1yr birthdays and nothing had changed for us. Just more pain.

I totally hear you on at least wanting to look nice and that giving you confidence. It's the one part of my femininity I can control. I would always make it a point to look nice when going to the doctor's office. I wanted them to know that I may be infertile, but I'm still hip and trendy and put together!

So glad to hear things are moving along with your surrogate!

scarredbellybutton said...

That's wonderful news about your surrogate.

Quick question - did you respond well to the antagonist cycle previously? If so, why switch to Lupron?

I'm pleased the party wasn't as bad as anticipated. And no stupid comments? You hit the jackpot!

Angi said...

That is great news about your surrogate dinner. I am so glad things went well!

I know birthday parties can be hard, so I am glad that you guys survived!!

amberloo22 said...

Congratulations on the meeting with your surrogate. I hope all goes great for you in this journey ahead. We are pursuing a may transfer with a surrogate and I am scared to death and excited as ever!

Kymberli said...

I'm glad that the birthday party was tolerable, and even more happy to hear that things are moving along nicely with your surrogate!

Anonymous said...

HI E..

this Daddy M from M$M's Very Special Journey. Thank you for your comment and congratulations on our baby girl.

I just read yor latest entry and will read the rest of your blog asap but felt compelled to send you these words:

As my Irish friend would say: "Fair Balls to you" for being able to overcome your strong feelings and attend the birthday party! I know my wife went through the same feelings and lost many of her friends BECAUSE she couldnt handle them having children and she couldnt.
It takes a very strong person to overcome those feelings! She eventually did make contact with her best friend again - but it is rare contact. Now that we have the baby coming with the help of our surro-mom things are slowly changing (THANK GOD!).

I would like to offer an exchange of email addys and if you like be an outlet for your frustrations, feelings, good or bad news and any talking you may need. Both you and your hubby! I know how much we could have used someone going through what we did just to bitch at or just to ask!

so..if you are interested:


niobe said...

Sounds like you're moving ahead fairly quickly.

My fear is that people would react like your mother -- too enthusiastically -- which is why I haven't told anyone about our surrogate. Of course, not telling has its own set of problems...

Samantha said...

Good news all around! That's great both about the birthday party and the surrogate. It's fun and stressful to be moving forward.

Family: they never quite behave the way you would like!

JJ said...

Glad to hear you survived BOTH--
It makes me smile for you that your mom is so supportive-I know sometimes it can get to be too much, but you cant fault a good support system!

sara said...

Oh my goodness! I'm still catching up on reading people's sorry for the delay. OH MY GOODNESS...that's only a few months away! How exciting...I have goosebumps! My transfer went great...thanks for sharing my journey with me. It makes it that much easier :-) Good luck, can't wait to hear more.


nutmeg96 said...

Ugh. I hate kids' first birthday parties. Best case scenario is nobody asks you when you're having kids. No matter what, you have to stand there smiling the whole time when you really just want to leave. I feel your pain.