Deer Be Gone

I used to like deer. Sweet, shy animals. So pretty. I grew up in a rural area and now live in a somewhat rural area, so seeing deer is not uncommon, but there is still something magical about seeing them wander through your back yard. Unfortunately, the deer really like my roses. We first discovered this last year when on Mother's Day, I went outside and found my bushes mauled. The roses survived, but the roses had been full of buds ready to bloom, and it was a kick in the gut on an already hard day.

We hadn't had problems with deer yet this year, and I hoped that the wet spring might keep them away since they could easily find food. Alas, that theory was shot down yesterday. My rose bushes were again full of buds, days away from exploding with blooms. I went outside yesterday, and you guessed it...they had been eaten. The poor bushes look shorn. Again, they're still alive, but it's so awful seeing the bushes like that. So yeah, I used to like deer. Nobody messes with my roses. We used a "deer-be-gone" spray last year that worked ok, but we've decided that a more permanent solution is needed: chicken wire. It's going to look awful around the bushes, but hopefully it will protect them.

In surrogacy news, we are making a little progress! We received the second draft of the contract late yesterday, and there is only 1 tiny correction that needs to be made. The donor/surrogacy coordinator from the clinic FINALLY returned my call yesterday (I had called her twice in the last week with no response). It turns out that we CAN get started with testing since our contract is in the finalization stages! I'm going to try to schedule my testing today, and I've emailed our surrogate to set up hers. I asked the coordinator when we could start cycling, and she said that if the surro's tests come back clear, then with her next cycle (mid-June)! I'm still anticipating things really getting going in July, but wow.

The funny thing is that after she told me that, I started to panic a little bit. Am I ready for this? Do we have all our financial ducks in a row? I had a brief desire to flee. After waiting for this for almost 9 months, I panic? That's not the reaction I was expecting. But I calmed down. I am ready. We ARE ready. This is one of those situation in which I just need to take a deep breath and a step forward and let what needs to happen happen.

Antsy

It sucks being back at work after a 4-day weekend. Sigh. At least it's Tuesday though. And, I looked at my calendar and realized that I have no meetings this week! Score! I do have to go to Greensboro on Friday, but that's ok. That makes the week seem even shorter, which is never a bad thing.

Husband and I had a great weekend. We slept late. I read 3 books. We ate junk. We caught up on shows saved in our DVR. We even made more progress in our ongoing quest to clean our garage. And what a beautiful weekend! Our neighbors have put bird houses and feeders throughout their back yard, and as a result, we have birds everywhere in ours. It was so nice sitting on our porch yesterday watching the birds. For the first time, I could understand how people become bird watchers.

I'm feeling pretty antsy, though. I'm hoping to receive the next draft of our contract this week. We've had some delays getting the attorney the final set of changes. Husband gave her one set last week. Then he emailed her the last part which she apparently did not get. He tried to call her on Friday but she was in court, and of course yesterday was Memorial Day. Argh! I'm feeling antsy because 1) our surrogate has now completed the three-cycle requirement by the clinic and 2) there has been quite a lot of success for some of my fellow Intended Parents lately, and that makes me want to start cycling NOW.

I'm also antsy because I had been looking forward to Memorial Day for so long, and now that it has passed, I don't have anything to look forward to except for cycling, and since I don't know when that will be, I'm frustrated. However, we finally decided to take control of our situation and are going to plan a beach trip for after my summer school class ends (if it isn't cancelled, another source of uncertainty). I felt like everything would resolve around our unknown cycling schedule, but at this point I doubt we will be cycling until late July at the earliest and also at this point, what's another week? I feel good about this decision. Hopefully all the hotels won't be booked for July.

My pg friend A, the one who is pretty much living out my high school fantasy by marrying my high school guy, mentioned the word "shower" to me over the weekend. Every time I hear from her, it unsettles me. I finally replied today, telling her that I would try to come, but that showers are hard for me. I also laid out the hard time I am having with her pregnancy and its suddenness. In nicer terms of course. She lives out of state, and we don't talk as frequently as I do with my geographically closer friends, so I don't think she's as aware of what dealing with IF has been like for me. I'm still having trouble comprehending that she's married to my high school guy and pregnant by him when 6 months ago she was lamenting her broken engagement to her ex-fiance. But I'll get over it eventually. It's just a doubly or triply weird situation for me with a lot of baggage.

Jubilation

After almost pulling my hair out in frustration, the lawyer sent us the draft of OUR contract yesterday at 6pm!!! I brought it to work with me today so I can get started on corrections/edits. Hopefully this part will proceed quickly.

FINALLY!!!!!!! I feel like we have taken a tiny step forward.

I planted flowers over the weekend, and my flower bed looks so nice! I'll post pictures as soon as they grow a bit. My next task is to change out the flowers in my containers on my porch. My mother loved her flowers and card, so the guilt has ebbed for now.

May Flowers

As I count down the minutes left in my work week (I'm blowing out of here at 4:30!), the view from my desk is made infinitely lovelier by the flowers on the chair in front of me. Now that spring semester is over, I can turn my attention to my flower garden, I am giddy with the possibilities. I work very close to our local farmer's market and today I bought some gorgeous flowers: 2 types of marigolds, 3 impatiens, and 1 petunia. Husband and the kitties are buying me more flowers for my garden this weekend. I am so excited! I have a lot of warm colors so far, so I need to get a few cool blues/violets for contrast. I also need to replace my weedy-looking pansies with some vinca. I LOVE this time of year! I need to be careful not to overdo it, though, since I don't want to spend the entire weekend gardening. Today's purchases are a good start.

My roses are starting to bloom too. Roses are my favorite flower. That may be a tad bit boring and unoriginal, but to me, roses are the most beautiful, perfect flowers. We have 6 bushes: 2 Black Magic, 2 JFK, 1 purple tiger and 1 gemini (red, white, and burgundy/violet). We plan to buy a yellow-orange bush as well. Throughout our years of IF, sometimes my house has felt like a prison and sometimes it has felt like a sanctuary. Right now it feels like a sanctuary. It's my safe haven.

Mother's Day. I'm sure many if not all of us are preparing for Sunday with a bit of trepidation if not outright dread. It certainly is not my favorite holiday. This year, instead of dwelling on my own situation, I've been dwelling on my relationship with my mother. She lives 2.5 hours away. I love her, but we have pretty different personalities, and she can cause me a great deal of pain with her comments. Right now she is extremely supportive, but there is an emotional distance as well. I'm extremely private about my life and feelings with her. I don't trust her with those things. I'm not sure if I'm making much sense. It's a complicated relationship. Anyway, as Mother's Day has approached, my guilt level has increased exponentially. A good daughter would be with her mother on Mother's Day. A good daughter would have made plans weeks ago. A good daughter would call her mother more. So I sent a last-minute email seeing if she wanted to get together on Sunday (she doesn't - we're going to get together the Sunday following), and I paid a ridiculous amount to have flowers sent to her tomorrow. I hope they arrive on time. And I'll call her on Sunday. I'm just so confused about what I *should* do...what I think a good daughter would do and what I am capable of doing.

Hey...two minutes to go. Better log off. I hope everyone has a good weekend and makes it through Sunday.

Off to a Good Start

May is already going better than April though I hesitated to write that in case I jinxed it. I heard from F, our surro, yesterday, and she had the lump removed and biopsied, and it was a limpoma (fatty tissue) after all. Whew! Yay! One hurdle cleared.

Unfortunately, we did not receive the contract last week. Husband called the attorney and the attorney's paralegal said that they were under the impression that time wasn't of the essence since we couldn't do anything until June?!?! Okkkkk. We could begin testing! So they hope to have something to us this week.

My best friend had her baby on Sunday after a normal labor. Husband and I went to see her yesterday, and the baby is adorable. I was worried I wouldn't be able to handle it, but I was. I sure hope that this time next year our roles are reversed. I've been keeping J, my other friend, apprised of the situation, and I bet she's probably noting all the things I've done for K (going to her shower, visiting her in the hospital) that I didn't do for her. I know I would be. I want to say something to reiterate that I am in a different place now than I was when she was pg, but I don't know if that's a good idea or if I should just leave it alone.

Oh, my projects are turned in, and I am reveling in free time!

I'm a Winner!

I won!!! I won, I won, I won!!! There were 15 people in my category, and I was one of three winners for it. I was shocked but very pleased. The conference was pretty good, but I was happy to return home last night, and I'm not too sad about being at work :-) Now the only things between me and the weekend are my final projects: one is due today and the other is due tomorrow. I need to proof the one for today and send it off, but I have a bit more work to do on the other. I tried really, really hard, but I couldn't get it all done in Florida. Oh well! I'm at the point where I just want to turn something in and be done with it.

We're supposed to receive the draft of our contract this week, so hopefully it will come today or tomorrow. I heard from our surro, and cycle 2 started on time, so that means we will fulfill the clinic's three-cycle requirement by mid-May. Finally something seems to be going right! She hasn't mentioned anything else about the lump, so I'm assuming everything is ok. She hasn't been able to get online much.

I haven't been able to keep up with everyone's blog lately. Give me a few more days, and life will be back to normal. Free time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!